time waits for no man memories fade... limbs go weary... still i run the race the race to be with you... my Savior and my Lord
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Friday, July 29, 2005
10:15 PM
Last day of work today at Mattel. My first ever internship..probably my only one, and i must really give thanks to the Lord for such a great one! I mean, i couldn't ask for more...an understanding and very nice supervisor, casual working environment, friendly people, and best of all, i get to wear jeans and polo-t to work everyday! haha...how shiok is that? I guess the best compliment i can give to them is that i never dreaded a single day where i needed to wake up for work. Sure, i'm tired with my extended personal working hours and all, but yeah, can really say that, for the first time in my life, i went to work happily, did my job without feeling any burden, and didn't leave work feeling drained at all. Perhaps it might not sound like so great to you, i might even seem to have very low expectations in the first place, which i can't quite argue against. But, personally, when i look back at all the other jobs that i've gone through, it's always been torturous for me to get through the day. Reflecting back, perhaps it can be rationalised that i've transcended past the "let's finish the work quickly and go home to play or go out with friends" stage of my life. Acutally, that sounds pretty logical to me...i guessed i'm old enough that work is no longer something out of the extraordinary or some chore, but rather a way of life..haha..thank God for that too then, cos if i'd carried on with my previous mentality when i enter the workforce, i'd be going through depression everyday! Of course, with every experience, there is something to be learnt. I can't say that i've realised just what i've learnt from my Mattel experience, since experiential learning is often intuitive, but here's just a few thoughts on what i've discovered about myself: 1) Analytical mind: during our last conversation, my supervisor, Jonathan, was just asking me what industry I was interested in. True to my nature, I just replied that I hadn’t really thought about it: meaning that I probably have an idea what I’d be interested in, but just couldn’t think of it at the moment. He just noted that he found me to be a very analytical kind of person, and that consulting would be a line of work that I could look into. I didn’t think too much about that comment then, but, pondering over it, it seems quite true that it’d be something that would suit me; I like to work smart, not necessarily just working hard (i.e. I’m lazy) so I tend to look for shortcuts to doing things, rather than just doing things e same old way. Which brings me to another thing about me..i HATE to do monotonous stuff..if I could, I’d do e same thing in different ways each time! Randomness is so much more fun, makes u feel less robot-like. Of course, this only applies to certain situations; I can only handle so much randomness..haha.. Probably another thing about me is my apprehension to meeting new people or making the first step in approaching others. I mean, I’m fine with ACTUALLY meeting or talking to other people. It’s just the thought of it before I put it into action that brings dread to myself. It’s like how I rarely ever call people, even though I must admit I like talking on the phone as much as anyone else. Sometimes I really just wanna ask myself why I’m like that? Why am I so afraid? It’s like I just can’t bring myself to be put in a situation of rejection at all…sometimes it feels like a barrier for me to know and love others. Must really pray that God will help me on this… 2) Fear of failure: towards the end of the internship, there was a project that I screwed up quite badly. Jonathan, who’s usually damn nice, also reprimanded me for it. At that point, I felt that the mistakes really weren’t my fault and that he’d just thrown the project at me…felt so angry at everyone then…was feeling very stressed too. In the end, I managed to clear up everything. But just looking back, I found that when I was stressed, it was like I became a totally different person. I blocked out everyone, and I guess through my body language and expression alone, I made sure everyone knew that I wasn’t in a good mood. Even though I didn’t shout and scream at others, but it was like i put a total emotional block up. And the scary part was that, I was so focused! During those hours that I was stressed up, I managed to just sit in front of the computer for hours on hand, focusing totally on my work. Usually, I wouldn’t last 5 minutes before I started wandering off either psychologically, or physically. I don’t know whether I’m paranoid or not. But it just kinda scares me to think that I might end up permanently being in that mood after I join the workforce. Sheesh…I can pretty much assure you that you wouldn’t want to be around me then..
Last day of work, was pretty slack and uneventful, since the main event, the toy trade show, was over the previous week. Had a ‘farewell dinner’ at pasir panjang food centre with the rest of the office staff..seemed more like just an outing than a farewell…guess we’re just another 2 more interns after a long line of previous interns. Not that I minded, I know where I stand. After 3 months, I hardly got to know the people there. Haha.. I guess that, at the workplace at least, emotional attachments are formed out of more Machiavellian purposes…just a general thought…no offense to people already working.. Well, like they say, we live and learn, and it’s been a great learning experience…but truthfully, I’m looking forward to a break, where I can sort out my personal stuff and thoughts…feel like such a robot, what with the hectic schedule since last august…got 3 more weeks before I start school..gosh, I’ve earned this break!!
who am i?
People call me:Simon
i was born: Sept 1981
so i am: 24yrs old
mental torture @: SMU
spam me/msn @: simontkf@hotmail.com
liKes
God
True friends
freedom
tranquility
Soccer!
aspirations
heaven
tentmaker
2 kids - elder son and younger daughter
early retirement
happiness
ArChiVes
[+] March 2005
[+] April 2005
[+] May 2005
[+] June 2005
[+] July 2005
[+] August 2005
[+] September 2005
[+] October 2005
[+] December 2005
[+] January 2006
