::Simon's Blog!::

Random thoughts

2006-01-23T23:38:00.000+08:00

no intention or topic in mind as i write this...i'm gg to exhibit the smoking skills that i've attained thru the course of my studies in SMU.
What is life?
is it, as Shakespeare so plainly put it, a play, where each person gets his or her few moments on the stage and then, is no more?
that sounds rather fatalistic and, truth be told, this is e view that one wld normally perceive from any Christian using the "excuse" of "it's God's Will" to explain away any misfortune or tragedy that had occured.
But is it really so? are we so powerless to alter or shape our destiny, are we like lemmings, only moving because of the whims of a higher being, merely performing someone else's will till e time when we are no more?
A professor of mine had once said that humans are all illogical beings; since ALL of us are gg to die, why are most of us afraid of death? As the saying aptly goes, there is nothing to fear but fear itself. This saying's aptness, in this context, highlights my point that, despite its utter logical meaninglessness, such a dumb illogical statement can be still be so widely used.
More illogical even, is how ppl are ever striving to be rich, to be famous, to have more power, all the while in the process of dying and reaching the point where they will lose it all anyways.
Perhaps, as many people have probably thought, this is where religion comes in the fill in this illogical loophole in the equation of life. Indeed, believing in an afterlife, in a higher being, certainly provides some manner of a incentive to lead a clean, moral life of excellence.
Now, when it comes to viewing the world in terms of religion, i perceive 3 distinct and mutually exclusive groups of ppl: the pious, the free-thinkers and the atheists.
From my own experience, most of the atheists i've known are a rather firm believer in altruism; believing that they can be gd without any form of compensation or reward, therein exhibiting true goodness or righteousness.
Looking at that notion within the confines of our human moral code, that wld certainly hold true. Although, logically, this accomplishes nothing and the added burden of striving harder to do e right thing while not getting any reward seems rather pointless and unsustainable.
In fact, i wld challenge this notion because i wld think that ppl with such a perception wld probably view their good deeds as counting for a lot more than their misdeeds. Their premise wld probably that since everyone does bad things, therefore i am not worse off. But since not every does gd things, and i actually do something gd, so therefore i'm a better person. In essence, they are their own god.
Religiously, i can only speak from a Christian viewpoint, and it is perhaps the fundamental belief that a single sin, no matter how big or small, is sufficient to condemn one to hell, is e major turn-off to most atheists ever converting to Christianity.
The notion of salvation thru grace and not works have probably been a stumbling block for all ppl, Christians and non-believers alike. I find myself sharing an atheist mentality whenever i am spiritually unfocused. I'm no psychologist but i think perhaps, for me at least, the atheist mentality is something that one wld function on by default. Perhaps it is even more prevalent amongst the male species, since pride is way up there in our list of major stumbling blocks, along with lust.
Going back to the logic of life, it would of course be argued that if there was no God, the godless ppl of the earth wld be the wisest of us all, since they have endeavoured to satisfy their mortal desires as much as possible before their passing.
Yet, at the very end, we all do pass away. Whatever we've done, felt, or experienced, goes with it too. Perhaps the notion of reincarnation wld allow some ppl to find some closure regarding such an issue, although reincarnation in itself is a circular argument and therefore, a fallacy.
At this point, Simon is feeling rather tired and would like to go to bed, but it wld be quite irresponsible to end it on this note.
So here's my take on life:
You only have one life.
Life is short.
If you are gg to live your life, decide on how you want to lead your life and whats the ultimate goal and purpose of your life. Life without purpose is ultimately, well, meaningless. I would think that only animals shd live a life with a self-conscious purpose.
Once you've decided on your purpose in life, focus everything u do according to that purpose.
So if you want to live a godless life, please do take all e booze, drugs and other intoxicants that you can that can make u feel good. Have all e sex and satisfy ur carnal desires in every which way imaginable. And most importantly, remember not to repent, nor to care abt other ppl, or seek to be productive to society since it will be gg against ur purpose in life.
As for those who wish to lead Christian lives, please live a life as if God is (and He IS!) watching you all the time. Please refrain from leading your brothers and sisters to sin by behaving in a worldly manner, especially in church. And please do go beyond your comfort level to shining examples to them by taking care not to end up treating the church as a social lounge.
Seems like i've made myself a hypocrite by saying all these. But it never hurts to hold oneself to a higher standard. Puts one back in persepective. That we are all weak and need His help to change. What matters is our own desire to repent.

First blog of 2006

2006-01-14T22:16:00.000+08:00

wow...it's really been quite some time since i've blogged! so much has happened in the past few months....maybe i start with my past week...

school's started already....2 weeks past already...this term's gonna be a bit tough..3 finance modules..dun play play...gotta focus much better than last term...be a good boy and do my readings...I'm enjoying my investment banking classes...ang ser keng really teaches e relevant stuff...unlike all e textbook-reciting profs i've had in my SMU life...he's really got me excited about joining the finance sector after i graduate...pity abt my overall academic results though...looks like i won't be able to get a decent headstart..gotta slog it out at the scum level for a long while to come =( ah well..nvm...i'm all prepared to commit most of my life to my work...e rest of the time with my BB..haha...work hard, earn enough to retire early..yup, that's my dream...

anyways, i went to Ministry of Sound this thursdays...it was a school bash event....just wanted to check out the place...heard it was cool..which it really was...they had different themed dance lounges for different music and different purposes...they had retro, house and r&b areas..but my favourite was this room call "Pure"...a totally white colored area with lotsa comfy cushions and sofas...bascially a lounge area...darn comfortable and cosy place to pose..haha..well...it was the first time i've been to a club in 2 or 3 years...got a good reminder why i really dun like clubbing at all...especially at school bashes...firstly, u always have the lame ass "entertainment" organised by the students...i know i'm being an idiot to not appreciate their efforts but i guess i've never been into the school spirit kina thing...hmmm...but ok lah...the hosts for this past bash were pretty good, although having a paegant during each bash just to satisfy the lusts of the ppl there will always seem awkward.
i like being able to enjoy the music, however brain-numbing it is, and just thrash around to the beat like a fish out of the water...pity that e music that day was absolutely crap though..but when i went back, i'm reminded of how it was when i first went to such places during my jc days...the flirty glances and eye contact, teasing with ur body movements, ogling at the beautiful ppl. couple that with the intoxicating beverage readily available as well as the dark lighting and the effect grows even more powerful...i must say that the level of temptation to sin in such places is really darn high...it'd be really tough to maintain a life of Christian purity and still go to such places regularly...
but what i really can't stand abt such places is the cigarette smell...it's just disgusting to inhale the second-hand smoke of these ppl who dun give a damn abt their own health..
my throat got really dry after i left e place...been quite sick yday and today also...must've gotten it from that place...looks like it'll be another 2-3 years before i even consider gg back to a club again? haha

ah..enough abt that...well...attended a YF meeting on friday...i must say that i was really encouraged by the effort and commitment put in by most of the ppl present in the meeting..Uncle John was really calm and collected in leading the discussions...Although he seems to act dumb alot, i've grown to respect Reuben for his input..really concise and to the point...but perhaps abit too blunt and aggressive at times though, but still, alot of potential there...he's someone who can really contribute alot to the YF...just need to remain grounded to the Word and avoid unsavory film and music influences eh?
Really proud of Ezra and Peter, Peter for volunteering for a leadership position in the CG...he's told me several times that he wants to commit this year to being more involved in church work and serving God....that's always a fantastic aim to have...Ezra for making the firm commitment to leadership in a key committee as well as being able to voice mature and constructive comments durign the meeting. He's showing alot of commitment too...all at his relatively young age...will definitely try to help him out wherever i can...
It's really heartening to see how the YF has grown and how the younger leaders have matured into their roles..they've bonded really well and i'm absolutely sure they can overcome all challenges as long as they depend on God for strength...Really glad that the adults have made a firm commitment to training and mentoring the younger ones...i can imagine all the frustrations that the present committee must've gone thru, figuring out just how to run the YF on practically their own after being assigned the leadership positions...maybe it's just me, but i kinda felt that they had been just dumped with alot of these work...still...all things work out for those who love Him =) Amen!

Leavin' on a jet plane...

2005-12-09T23:25:00.000+08:00

all my bags are packed...i'm ready to go...
all set for my backpacking trip to thai, cambodia and vietnam...will leave tmr and be back on the 28th...leaving with a heavy heart....
won't get to see kate, pastor graham and family for a long long time to come :( it's been so wonderful knowing them...pastor graham has been a true inspiration and he's been so kind to me..will never forget him....
gg with a burdened soul, confused mind and troubled heart...hope that i can sort all of it out during the trip...perhaps, away from all the distractions and comfort that home affords, i will be able to refocus on Him and let Him be the centre of my life once again...
will need lots of prayer...e route i'm taking is not very safe...maybe i might not even be back if e pandemic starts...
ah well....it's all in His hands....will try to blog if i can get net access in e countries...

RENT!

2005-12-03T00:49:00.000+08:00

wow...wat a happenin first day of official school holidays~~~~
as always...i woke up late....ard 12.30pm to be exact...haha...such is the luxury of being a student...
went blading with Ash today....ECP as usual....which was quite cool..nothing like the view of the calm ocean to just focus my stoning at....
think i've improved in my blading too...went faster than usual and didn't even up all over the concrete floor....
went to catch the musical Rent also...e one starring Karen Mok....got e tix from a lobang intro-ed by Ash...just sit at a table for one hour before the show, giving out free CDs and i get 2 complimentary tix...since i didn't have anyone i wanted to bring to watch it, so just gave it to my best friend so he cld watch with his fiance...but of course i wasn't abt to miss it...thru some cham shiong-ing...managed to get a ticket for the show tonight too...so that's 3 tickets, costing more than $100 each...for abt 4 hours of work?
haha...somemore e ticket i got for tonight's performance was fabulous...3rd row from the front...cld admire karen mok's long legs up close and personal...haha...but aiyah...think it's over-rated anyways...too skinny for my liking...
anyhow, about the show: not too bad...first musical i've ever been too...quite amazed how they can jump ard and not fall down once...i think i wld have to go to the A&E by e end of the show if i were to pull off the same stunts..i liked the singing alot...damn...they cld really hit the high notes...
i would probably have enjoyed it alot more if the central characters did not include a pair of lesbians and a pair of gays...i appreciated the fact that they tried to portray love in each conceivable combination of male and female (since there were 3 couples...u work out e math)..and that they wanted to show that love cld overcome all and shd not be hindered by any differences...against that notion i have no quarrels...but well, the Bible does clearly state that homosexuality displeases God....so therefore my stand wld be against such acts...still...i wld say that my personal belief is that love still overcomes all...homosexuality IS a problem, not a condition. but it is something that shd be cured thru understanding and love...we shdn't just treat them like filthy animals and condemn them...that just wldn't solve anything...hmmm....something that i shd practise since i've preached it...i think i'm quite homophobic myself? not v comfortable talking to them still....then again, i'm not comfortable talking to ANY strangers...hmmm...
sigh...still have to clear a final case report tmr....super sickening project....it has brought out the worst in me....think that i'm getting more and more emotionless with each day...hmmm....more to be elaborated in future blogs i guess....ciao!

the sky is falling~!

2005-10-23T23:37:00.000+08:00

tsunamis

hurricanes

earthquakes

terrorist attacks

bird flu

chelsea

seems like everytime i flip thru e newspapers or look at the news, it's nothing but doom and gloom...e bird flu is particularly unsettling....cos it cld hit anyone...and given globalisation as we have it now, unless u're holed up in a cave in rwanda or something...it's gonna get ya sooner or later....hmmm.....brings to mind a few things i've read recently...

i read a quotation that had the effect of saying "it is indeed folly that what most humans are afraid of is actually something that comes to all of them"

for the uninformed..that's death...esp since tax evasion seems pretty easy...but that's another matter altogether...

what i just wanna say is that its so darn easy to get paranoid over all these news...i mean...who knows? mabbe such things had been happening all the while....just that with the technology we have, we're able to see the very graphic images of these events...

a very common question that non-christians ask me is "if God really loves us, why does he allow all these sufferings?"

e best answer i cld possibly give wld be: Go search google. Yup...if you are expecting answers here...go do it yrself! haha~~

not trying to be mean lah...just that...when ppl ask that...i'd just simply think: what's the point of asking that? r u lookg for a fight/testing me/act smart or really looking for an answer?

well...if it's to get my personal opinion...all i can say is that...we are loved by God because of His grace....

meaning....although we call Him our Father...it is not by default that we get to do so. it is a privilege. The meaning of grace, to me at least, is that He loves us not because we deserve it, but because He has given His love to us as a gift~~
we shd never ever take God for granted like we take our own parents. sure, some of you might say that our parents' parents took care of them so its their duty...but gg by that logic to argue that it is God's duty to take care of us, if God takes care of us, are we to be gods to someone else? Do we need to endure endless grief at our offspring's misbehavior, trust them only to let betray this trust, only to totally forgive them and still love them? nah...dun think anyone of us can, at least not me...

to get back on track...i reckon its the definition of "love" that is the crux to understanding part of God's mysterious ways...

Love in the strictly human sense probably means to show care and concern for the other party, to try yr best so that they dun suffer.

To me, God's love to us does not really mean that. Sure, He wants us to be happy. But do u need to be in comfort to be happy? Certainly, the Bible states that Christians are in for plenty of suffering...but He does wants us to rejoice in the suffering...and there is only one way..by depending on Him during this sufferings, we can achieve happiness no matter what. Nothing is forever in this world, certainly not comfort. Wldn't it be worse off to depend on comfort as a source of happiness rather than having a fixed method of achieving this happiness regardless of the situation?

of course, i can only approach this issue thru my limited human understanding...if anyone states that this sounds alot like an SM r'ship, it isn't too far away from the truth...Psychologically, it cld be rationalised to a certain extent. But personally, i KNOW that it is true. I reckon i'm a logical and practical person...yet i do say that you have to go thru it to know it...using logic just totally defeats the purpose...

in short...
All of us deserve to die because of our sins.
So even if you are suffering from bird flu, during a hurricane, with a tsunami coming, seated in bali cafe, watching chelsea on the telly making a farce out of the Premiership, it's really nothing compared to what we really deserve.

and there is only one way out:

God offers us salvation thru grace.
The price: the belief of the little puny human, in comparison to God, that is you.

AND

it's not just a normal lead-a-sorry-life-and-rejoice-after-you-die kinda deal.
you still CAN be happy on earth. Just rely on Him!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

shucks..didn't really wanna get preachy...but.....ah well...God's way bah....it just comes out naturally...

only wanted to wonder aloud what we wld do if the bird flu pandemic ran crazy all over the world. i.e. judgment day..

wld you call ur significant other and tell him/her how much you love him/her?

or just huddle with yr family?

or go satisfy all yr hedonic desires?

me? dunno...i mean...if the world is ending.....nothing i do matters...sounds really passive but i can't picture why i shd hold anything impt...but i do know where i am gg already...so perhaps my last actions wld be to call all my loved ones and ask them:

Are you sure you will be going to heaven?

i'm an X-MAN~!

2005-10-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

You scored as Cyclops. Cyclops is the team leader of the X-Men, and a skilled one at that. He loves Jean Grey very much. He's a strict and sometimes uptight leader, but he believes in his cause and he knows what he's fighting for... Peace between Mutants and Humans. Powers: Optic blasts

Cyclops

75%

Nightcrawler

70%

Storm

70%

Jean Grey

65%

Rogue

60%

Iceman

55%

Colossus

55%

Wolverine

50%

Beast

50%

Emma Frost

45%

Gambit

25%

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

Corpse Bride...

2005-10-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

wow...what a school day...

wednesdays are usually quite dreary for me...not least cos my lessons start at 8.30am...shucks..i can't stand morning classes...and the morning rush hour...
first class is malay..usually v boring cos e prof wastes quite alot of time..in fact..he hardly teaches...feels like whatever i've learnt so far is self-taught...but today he actually came to my table and talked with my friends and i...not that i was like awed by his gracious presence or anything but just proud that i was actually able to converse with him abit in malay...k lah...still sucky but at least it's a start! malay is actually pretty simple...if only e prof put more effort into teaching, we'd improve much faster...ah well..gotta play with the cards i've been dealt...its self-improvement time then..haha...

after malay classes, i've a 3 hour break...and for the past few weeks, i've contrived to waste the time away doing meaningless stuff...from just stoning at the Kopitiam to playing Winning Eleven at library to surfing the net on my laptop...today was a breakthrough...actually went K-Box at Selegie! hahaha...yeah...they had this K-Lunch offer...abt $8 in e end for a meal, a drink and "free" ktv...from 11am-2pm....quite a fair deal if you are itching to sing....1st time at K-Box for me....have always gone to PartyWorld cos there's where my friends go....i'm just a follower, if i even go with them in the first place...anyhow, K-Box looks distinctively less sleazy...not to say the furnishings are better in qlty cos the sofas look like elephants just sat on it...all ripped up and flat....but at least there aren't cheesy gold furnishings and faux-marble tiled floors there...

made a great discovery....they have "The Reason" by Hoobastank! and, for once, it wasn't a video of a bikini-clad gal running down the beach, or clips of natural scenery from China/misc European counrty, or shots of Singaporean landmarks, etc...
needless to say, i chose e song and just screamed my way thru...yup....if u can't sing well, just sing loud.....e loud noise usually numbs the listerners' ears from feeling the pain of the screeching or off-key voice...kind of like anaesthetic...

after that, Strategic Brand Management class.....SMU prides itself alot on emphasising class participation...using it to boast that their students must therefore be outspoken....
well...this class contrives to show the flaw in the logic...our prof, this american guy, tries v hard to get ALL of us to participate actively in class and expects us to fill him in on the details for the case studies...but what ends up is that everyone just spouts FACTS from the case...no analysis at all....basically, mass regurgitation...messy affair that...
which is not a problem, considering u do need the facts to build up an analysis..but e problem is when everyone starts sharing their views and intepretations on the tiniest of details which frankly, aren't all too relevant...in e end, we always seem to run out of time and e prof just rushes thru e conclusions....
end result: empty vessels because we dun learn much...and also because u know what sounds they make...

went to catch Corpse Bride with Ashley after class! generally, i love Tim Burton movies cos they're always so creative, so dark....was expecting quite a bit from this show.....and e starting was very promising...the characters were wonderfully caricatured and the song items showed lotsa ingenuity....but somehow, along the way, things just became too predictable...kinda lost its glow and dropped from being a good show to a mediocre one....it was pretty good for a few laughs here and there....and e jokes are darn corny....prob one of e factors to it losing its appeal to me at least...more intelligence please!
From a commercial standpoint, i reckon that the producers didn't feel that the market wld be open enough to this genre of films and probably limited the usual darkness of Tim Burton films...they probably feel that cartoons are still meant for kids...
all in all...i'd give it 3 out of 5 stars :P

cool link!

2005-10-03T10:29:00.000+08:00

was surfing our ex-church's website and came across this link...check it out...darn cool!

www.thekristo.com

Strife at YF

2005-10-03T10:28:00.000+08:00

Youth Fellowship....i have been trying to phase myself out of the YF since the beginning of the year...prob cos i'm too old for that age segment and ought to move on...
dunno if it's cos i've been ignorant all this while or issit that things have changed....
but from what i've heard and perceived..it seems that the Fellowship element has been sorely missing...
was at Reuben's house yday, playing Winning Eleven with some of the other guys....was alright and all...with the idiotic talk and jibing that i've come to accept as a norm with the YF nowadays...
was quite shocked and frankly, disappointed in how some of the guys behaved...Reuben's mum was nice enough to tell us that there's some snacks that we cld take if we wanted...that was ok...but nv expected the guys to just wolf down the tidbits like there's no tmr...ok...so maybe i'm judging..and mabbe they just really feel at home..but still, i believe there shd be a fair amt of decorum that shd be observed....don't know if i'm too sensitive or what, but Reuben's mum didn't seem too happy later on...who could blame her? she probably thinks we are just a bunch of parasites man...
while playing with Charles, he brought up something that he's noticed abt the YF...he has been attending another church so his views on how the YF have changed is probably the most fair one...
He commented on how (us guys especially) seemed to just talk rubbish with each other, and provoked each other in our conversation....he only said that much...but i cldn't help but agree with him...i mean...the level of 'fellowship' that we have nowadays is really more like army 'fellowship' than anything...and that is DEFINITELY not a good thing...
how could a bunch of ppl, gg to church every week, serving in church even, not act in a Christian-like way? surely this is a sign of spiritual warfare at play!
i sat in on the cell-group leaders' meeting yday....and Jietsie acutally commented on how there was a need for a cell group for CGLs too...that they're giving output but no input for them...
Thinking back, i think she'd really raised a very good point, cos, when i look at some of the CGLs or senior youths, they seem to be wayward in their behavior....sure...some can say that how they behave and how they think are 2 different things...and it's only how they think that matters cos God knows...but to that, i wld counter...aren't we to offer our lives as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to His name? and aren't our behaviors a manifestation of our thought life?
on a personal note...i've always been one to believe that i dun want to live a 'boring' Christian life...i'm nv gg to be the kind of totally nice guy....cos, frankly, i believe that God has laid His commands not to restrict us, but to leave us free from worries as to what is good or bad! i strongly believe that He created us on earth not just to worship Him but also to enjoy His wonderful creations!
But while that means we shdn't have to be boorish, negative ppl, we still have to watch our behavior that it shdn't be against His Word.
We are meant to be the light of the world and not to BE of the world.....with so many media influences and all ard us...it's so easy to be caught in the negativity of it all...must confess that i've been caught in this web of deceit many many times over and that my speech is one of the biggest problems that i'm yet to overcome in my spiritual warfare...but i believe that i'm still striving on...weak, but still running the race....
there is a brother in the YF whom i feel a burden for right now...he'd been a really strong Christian in the years past and has always been very faithful in serving...but after gg into army, it seems that all the negativity has overcome him and it seems like he's given up the race altogether...perhaps its a phase of life that God has allowed him to go thru to truly understand His will...but yet, it's very disconcerting to see him so defeated....during my time in the army, i must admit that i suffered from the same issue, where i was so disillusioned by how the army worked and the ppl inside. I still believe that army is a really sucky place...but it was during my time inside that i found God again..that i felt closer to Him then before...i truly wish the same wld happen for this brother of mine soon...that he may find peace in our Provider and our Peace....

please do pray for both the YF and this brother of mine....

it's been so long...

2005-10-03T09:57:00.000+08:00

stuck in school right now...doing my internship and community service reports now...
went ECP with vincent and jenny just now....was looking fwd to some nice r&r...in e end was pretty nice..but only cycled abt 1hr so not very satisfying leh...
back in sch now...gg to watch soccer match at kopitiam opposite sch later...

ok...i know i'm just like reporting on what i'm doing...probably rusty from not blogging for so long lah..

for e past few weeks, been really pre-occupied with work...which is good and bad i guess...

good in that it keeps me from entertaining non-constructive thoughts...it's been quite fulfilling havin a full calendar also...
earning enough from my tuitions to start saving for once...will probably have enough money for the backpacking trip later in the year bah...
but quite sadly, i haven't really been able to get into stride with my homework..it's quite a slack term this time round..but still...gotta put in more work...
lastly, it's probably good cos it keeps my mind off my emotions...was hoping that it'll just clear my mind abt certain things...but in e end...pretty non-conclusive..

as to how it's been bad, well...i feel like a robot nowadays..hardly any emotions...and if there is....it's not very nice emotions that i display towards others..
been pretty short-tempered and all...even though i'm not neglecting my ministries or even attendance in church, i just don't feel that usual closeness with God...
perhaps it's down to lack of time bah....

anyways....been listening to alot of David Tao recently...think he really rocks..most other chinese music just suck...
his song "bu tong pen you" really makes alot of sense...
sigh...what is the thing that can spoil even the best of friendships between a gal and a guy in just one moment?
Yup, when either party starts developing feelings for the other...
things just become awkward and all and before you know it...one party starts ignoring the other...hurt inevitably sets in then...and they just be frenz anymore...
e song speaks of how a guy likes this gal...and how they were gd frenz...
but one day he develops feelings for her...and she knows it w/o him saying...
from then on e friendship becomes uncomfortable and all...and deep inside, she wants to just tell him but is afraid of hurting his feelings...
and in the end, when she tells him that she can't reciprocate his feelings, he is grateful for her honesty but, at the same time, he'd given too much of his own feelings to remain ordinary friends.
as such, he has to avoid her in the hope that, one day, they might be friends again.
this even though he still has feelings for her...

just been looking back and pondering such occurences...must totally agree that between telling the person straight that it can't work out or to subtlely hint that it is so, there really isn't a "good" solution..it's just a matter of short or longer pain..on one hand u cld be frank and hope the other person appreciates it then...but e other party wld probably not, while on the other, u cld be subtle abt it and still be nice to the other person, but the other party might feel like he/she's been led on...

isn't it sad that such things so often? read in a book that guys are able to share their innermost secrets better with gals than with fellow guys cos, with guys, they're not comfortable showing their weaknesses...kinda ego/competitive nature kinda thing...
find it to be very true..i've got many gd female frenz that i can really relate too...perhaps it's cos females are better conversationalists anyhow...

but yup...back to the issue...what if yr very gd fren comes on to you? wat r u to do? not sure if i hv e 'correct' answer as of yet...but yeah...i guess emotions are the main culprit here...when it comes to choosing a life partner, i guess it's best to leave it in God's hands rather than to leave it to emotions...Love shdn't just be abt the feelings..after all, the end point of any r'ship shd be marriage, and since marriage was created by God to be the sacred union between a man and a woman, shdn't every part of the courtship be devoted to God? So, my stand wld be to......just be friends lah...to me...e only way u can truly know a person is when u r just frenz...totally dun believe in the "love at first sight" kinda rubbish....unless u r like Professor X or Jean Grey with all the psychic powers and all, else, the only 'love' you'd have is for the person's face or body, i.e. lust. Guess that when the moment is right, God will provide...as He always faithfully does...until then...singlehood is a gift to explore this big big world and do all the things u wanna do! AMEN!

losing interest in blogging...

2005-09-14T10:04:00.000+08:00

wow...long time nv blog already...just dun feel like it...perhaps too busy also...
but oh well..not much ppl come to e blog anyways but since my lil' sis jac asked me why i didn't blog, then at least hv some motivation lah..haha

anyways...been doing the same ol thing lah..tuition + school during weekdays and soccer + church during weekends.

not much free time nowadays which can be a bad or good thing...bad cos i dun have much time for reading e books that are rotting at home. Good cos an idle mind is a devil's workshop. but not bad lah...i'd really rather be busy...dun think of weird stuff...more fulfilling also..guess i'm subconciously preparing myself for the working life.

been thinking much alot abt my future and all...work, family and stuff...adult worries..main worry is about work bah...cos i think i'd have to give up most of my church commitments if i want to focus on my career. That'll probably mean lesser involvement in BB...wondering how to solve the manpower issue esp since there isn't enough ppl at Keming Primary School as it is...sigh..

read an article on single parenthood. still wondering whether it would be healthy to raise an adopted kid alone. seems that there are support groups that form to tackle single parenting issues. interesting alternative. but the balance is still with career and family...guess it's still early to think of such things..

been enjoying my soccer alot nowadays. Just played a match the past sunday. lost 2-3 but it was so close...so dramatic..gosh...i cldn't sleep that night cos i was still thinking abt the match alot! can't wait to get back on the pitch this sunday man!

i'm actually in class now...behasa melayu class...haha...quite waste time sia..but ok lah...finally get to learn a new language...but not getting much practise leh :P only touch the malay texts on tuesday afternoon and wednesday morning...arggh...ah well...class starting again..later..

Back to school..

2005-08-23T22:42:00.000+08:00

2nd day in the new city campus...

not hating it as much as i thought i would...

initially, i was really dreading the new campus cos i felt it would suck compared to the Bukit Timah Campus...and thus i've whined about it for more than a year already...

but..doesn't seem that bad after all...e location is actually alot more convenient..plus the major factor being that there isn't a need to climb up a long winding slope just to reach campus...

plus, the place isn't at cramped up as i thought it was...in fact, i'd think that, being in the city area, ppl wld tend to not stay in sch after classes too much...so yup...the anti-social part of me rejoices for that...

well...last year for me already...have made a new resolution for these fleeting last few moments of my SMU...i shall ATTEMPT to be more friendly and speak up more in class..which hopefully does not entail asking the stupid questions that some are in the habit of doing...eeks..

still...very happy to see my friends once again..it's been so long since i've seen some of them!!

had lunch with carina, ashley and celine....was fun...haha..although e stuff we talked about was abit...ermm...nevermind abt that...haha

morning class tmr...sigh...something which i dread still...Behasa Melayu...a course that i've been hoping to get for a long time...ermm..actually only since e month before..but oh well..at least e desire is there...feeling so tired now...time to Zzzz...

tired...drained...exhausted...

2005-08-14T23:44:00.000+08:00

After YEARS of procastination,
finally!
BBPC YF finally had their first ever field soccer match! muahaha...goodness...really came to a point where i just gave up hope of it ever happening..but anyhow, we faced the 84th BB Coy from Unity Secondary School...although most of the players we faced were secondary school graduates already..somehow, God decided that he'd open the skies just before our match started..which was quite a disadvantage to us cos some of our guys weren't wearing soccer boots..but still, turned out to be a pretty competiive game...although lack of experience and organisation really showed as we went down 4-0..Still, it was just the playing of the game that mattered...for many of the YFers, it was their first ever field soccer match...still remember my first field match...what a rush man...didn't matter what was the score or how crappy i played...but to be on the pitch and wage this 'war' with your brothers in arms...really a different feeling...yup gals..it's a guy thing..shan't bother to explain..haha....
after the match, went to Bukit Batok Central McDonald's for a bday celebration for daiyan...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAIYAN!
yup...she's a darn great gal...always thot that she's a zhai gal..and looking at how she's warmed up to the role of YF Chairperson, i can really see that God has blessed her with the leadership skills and cool head to lead...that plus she's a cool gal to hang around with...as all Dan members are, naturally...muahah..
gosh...feeling so drained now...really a FULL day for me...body is old man...can't handle so many more days...gonna rest well and hope to clear as much of the stuff i wanna do next week as soon as possible...for now...time to....ZZZzzzzzzz

Nuuuu Skin

2005-08-12T22:31:00.000+08:00

yay~! new skin for me!!

and v proud to say that i've given it the Singaporean treatment...

i.e. to take parts of other people's products, mix them together and call it my own!

yup...haha...stole a bit of html code from each of my friend's blog and mixed it up...
sheesh..even the wordings are so Hill-Song-ish...

thus this new skin is a tribute to our beloved country on this Nationalistic period of the year!
Majulah Singapura! long may our accultural and piratic brand of creativity thrive!

well...personally speaking, changing the skin has been something i've been wanting to do
since my internship..thinking it's quite fun to figure out the html coding by myself..haha...a
great way to finally start learning how to do it...can't say i'm capable of much though..but
hey, at least it's a start! Played around with Photoshop too!

it's a gd thing that at least i've finished this thingy...still have so many other things i'm aiming to
do during the hols before sch starts, like painting my room, getting some new clothes, cutting
some fat, reading lotsa books...i guess i've been in a kind of a lull...slacking ard too much...so
hopefully this will kickstart my plans back into action!

hmmm...considering how few ppl visit my blog nowadays...and how pathetically quiet my cbox is..
i even wonder why i bothered to play ard with the blog...still..guess it's for my own personal benefit
too! and talking to myself here is really kinda healthy.....or issit?

Feelings....

2005-08-05T22:23:00.000+08:00

Friday night once again...

ya know what? on most friday nights, i'm the most stressed...u know why? cos of my church commitments...

Boys' Brigade
Sunday School
YF
YAF Disciplieship Class

i must say that, sometimes, i have to take leadership roles in all 4 of them during a single weekend! and for someone like me, who is not a natural leader at all, having to face up to or even prepare for these responsibities really take out alot of me....
Perhaps it's all for the better that i'm no longer with the YF, and i only teach Sunday School one month every quarter nowadays...
Sometimes i also really wonder why i feel so stressed, why i feel such a burden..i mean, when it actually comes to doing the work, God really grants me strength and perserverence every single time...He is truly faithful, no doubt about that.
And yet, i seem to always have to face the same demons each and every time...and no matter how much i seem to pray, i know that i'm not really believing what i'm praying for during the preparation stages...
Being the analytical person that i would like to think of myself as being, i can only offer a few hypotheses:

1) all the past memories of how i've not been doing a good job and how i've not put the ministry as my first priority all comes rushing back as i prepare and i see the loopholes...
2) i always can't seem to find people who can help or even people who understand my work to share my burdens with. but then again, this could be because i don't trust ppl with work easily and i also tend not to open up to people in the first place...
3) Mr S.A.Tan is up to his wily tricks and just wants me to stumble. hmmm...guess he has to take e blame all e time when we screw up eh? nah, shan't give him the credit!

well...i guess it's a bit of all in the first place...but perhaps, i shall admit, the major factor to my distress each time is probably the feeling that i'm running this race all alone..BB is definitely my biggest baby, and for as long as i've remembered, it seems like i always have to do things by myself! i gotta say man, that the feelings on friday nights really drives me nearly insane, i get so tensed up, so stressed up, i feel the knots in my stomach, i feel like i'm just gonna implode!
so many thoughts, so many worries, so much feelings, i wish i cld share with someone at least, but yet, i can't find anyone offering to listen, or anyone who would listen and be able to understand! and thank God, during the times when He has provided someone to hear me out, it felt like such a great release, but i don't mean to be ungrateful, but it certainly feels like those times were few and far in between. And, sadly, sometimes, when i try to talk to someone, and that person, even though busy, spares the time to accompany me, but yet, i become so demanding, expecting total attention and care, acting like a spoilt brat, that i totally disregard that person's good intentions and perhaps end up even hurting the person...and for that, i truly and really feel awful....it's only then that that feeling manages to get even worse...it becomes like i'm stuck in this black hole of anger, despair, and frustration all wielded in one..

but yet He is faithful..

in the end, all preparations would still pan out, and at the very moment i see the Boys or the kids at Sunday School or YF, my spirits just shoot to the skies and i'm all set for the task at hand...time and time again, it's the same feeling, the same euphoria i experience, that convinces me that, through man's power, nothing can be achieved that even compares to one done through His grace. It's not an empty and meaningless statement when i say that everyone should serve in order to know Him better...

true, the stressful Friday Nights still come now and then, but thank God for sending Eisen, David and Sean to join me in our wonderful BB ministry, and thank God for opening my eyes to see the family and friends who stick by me when i'm down.

Did a Spiritual Gifts test 2 days back, after David encourgaed us to do so during the YAF Bible Study...found that my top 5 gifts were (ranked in order)
1. Teaching
2. Apostleship
3. Faith
4. Serving
5. Pastorship/Discernment/Leadership (tied)

a few years, back, if you told me that Teaching was my top gift, i'd laugh straight at your face. Literally.
i mean, i've never understood how ppl can aspire to be teachers, and that people only became teachers after failing to get anywhere else...i mean, think about it, to have a student like me? *shudders*

God's ways are truly wonderful and mysterious. Here i am, bewildered at my friends who aspire to 'touch lives' by teaching, and yet, i AM a teacher!
Like what Christopher Lock (a trainer for my BB officer course, and someone i have the utmost respect for even though i'm not at all close to him) said, " just imagine a BB Office to be a banana, take a BB Officer, peel off the drills portion, the discipline portion, the games portion, the canoeing portion, etc, and in the middle, you will find a Sunday School Teacher"
Add that to me actually being a Sunday School teacher and ex-YF Cell leader, and voila! Simon is a teacher thrice over.

hmmm....but guess i still wouldn't want to be a teacher...teaching Biblical truths are one thing..and it brings me great joy and satisfaction..but dealing with kids and their education every day? don't think i'm responsible or driven enough..so, teachers! i salute you!

Friday night once again. Once again, i'm alone, typing this blog, pondering my own thoughts.

Alone? Certainly, in the physical sense. Lonely? Nah, cos You'll Never Walk Alone so long as my Lord and Saviour is with me ;)

Happy Birthday Shandy & Vanessa!

2005-07-30T23:29:00.000+08:00

hehe...e 2 sweeties of our BBPC YF...

my grand-daughter and lao gong respectively...haha...what a mish-mash of relationships...

anyhow, today was the 14th Birthday of lil' shandy while Vanessa's bday had silently passed on 12th July....belated but not forgotten wo...

wow..Vanessa is like really the sweetest gal in the world man..all e stuff she did to prepare for shandy's bday and all...can't ask for a better little sis-in-christ than her man...such a person shd be appreciated, so guys and gals, better not bully her or take her from granted else her lao po(that's me) will come and kick your sorry ass!

shandy wong shan li...e gal with big big eyes and equally big scream...so adorable in many ways... and also a young lady on her way to maturity...haha...i've talked many times of how i'd want to clone her and get a daughter just like her...am i really just kidding?......hmmm....
anyhow, shandy, if you r reading this...hope that you will stay humble and build up your character according to the Word and be guided in your actions by the Holy Spirit, life is still a long journey for you, and may you always be surrounded by loved ones to carry you and support you! Amen!

Ze Beautiful Game...Magnifique~!

2005-07-30T22:47:00.000+08:00

Guys and gals,

i've just played the Beautiful Game.

If you know me, you'd know that i don't mean i just entered a beauty paegent. yup, you've guessed it....i'm referring to the love of my life...SOCCER!!

played for ORPC today in the Adonai League...against Jesus Lives Church...truly an inspiring day...can't wait to get back on the field man...so here's how the story went...

Eric and I reached the pitch slightly late, due to my packed schedule during the day (BB + Tuition). He was, of course, very nice to offer to fetch me to yishun, else God knows when i'd reach that ulu ulu pitch...
Anyhow, upon reaching the pitch, a quick glance offered 2 interesting observations.
No.1. Jesus Lives Church seems to be a predominantly Indian Christian church, since the only ppl we saw apart from our team were them. and by predominantly i mean 100%. Another observation about them was that they were all gathered, warmed up, and ready to go. All 15 of them.
No.2 Our team: i first saw them under the void deck as usual, and since there were only like 4 of them there, i presumed the rest were on the pitch. Further inspection of the pitch showed that this was not so. No orange shirts there. Then, i asked the question which i'd probably knew the answer,"where's the rest?" which, of course, was greeted with grins all around. i.e. you're looking at them.
ok....
it was time for kick-off and we had only 7 players?
the opponent and referee already on the pitch...
Not the brightest scenario if you ask me....
Thankfully, another guy popped up just before kick-off so we had the legal number of ppl...

So, we started the match, 8 vs 11 players. Memories of the whoopping that we got the previous week against Salem Fire Church sprung back to my mind...gosh..that was 0-5 with 11 vs 11...and what abt this? Guess we were just prepared for damage control until our "reinforcements arrive" according to Bill, although i suspected he was just trying to give us some hope...haha...

well, as expected, we took the lead 3 minutes into the game..

WAIT! did i say as expected? hahaha...of course that's not what i meant! just 3 minutes into the game, 8 vs 11, and us, a team who've never tasted victory before, taking the lead??
When Bill's shot squirmed in through the keeper's hands, i could scarcely believe it man...took me a full 5 seconds to react to his goal..hahaha...

with the goal in hand...i guess i was still waiting for the backlash...was thinking, " crap, now we've done it, now we've made them angry...time to dig in and hold the line man.."
but, surprise surprise...we dominated possession and all...stringing passes together like an actual footie team..haha...1st time ever man...wonder if we shd start all our matches with 8 men only...

still, it was pretty tiring for 8 men to cover such a wide field, thank goodness 3 more guys came along later...finally we had a full team...with no subs as usual...

before the second half, we were 2-0 up...a schoolboy mudbath scramble in front of the opponent's goal ended with Bill poking the ball into the net somehow...which was not to say we had all the chances...the oppenent was really let down by the lack of a quality final ball or finish while we were just plain fortunate i guess...

the second half was rather poor, although our opponents dominated possession, we held our own..through a combination of luck (opponent hit the pole 3 times) and 'professional' defending (conceded 3 free kicks just outside our penalty box), we survived..
in fact, we scored a 3rd goal to effectively kill off the game..or so we thought...through their final free kick on the left of our penalty area, Jesus Lives Church finally got a consolation when their player sent in a inswinger that left our keeper stranded...
the remainder of the game was played out with tired limbs and exhausted bodies...
once again, i managed to get cramps in BOTH my calves...SIGH...sign of low fitness...

so...final score 3-1...first ever victory for ORPC...and the wonderful thing abt it all was that, at the end of the match, our opponent goalie called all of us guys together to hold hands and dedicate this match to our Lord! the whole game had been played in good spirits...competitive but clean...and to end it by giving thanks to God for this wonderful game he'd created was just the icing on the cake...that, my friend, is what i call the beautiful game!

Can't wait for next week man....leg itchy already...muahaha...

Closing Time....at Mattel

2005-07-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

Last day of work today at Mattel. My first ever internship..probably my only one, and i must really give thanks to the Lord for such a great one!
I mean, i couldn't ask for more...an understanding and very nice supervisor, casual working environment, friendly people, and best of all, i get to wear jeans and polo-t to work everyday! haha...how shiok is that?
I guess the best compliment i can give to them is that i never dreaded a single day where i needed to wake up for work. Sure, i'm tired with my extended personal working hours and all, but yeah, can really say that, for the first time in my life, i went to work happily, did my job without feeling any burden, and didn't leave work feeling drained at all.
Perhaps it might not sound like so great to you, i might even seem to have very low expectations in the first place, which i can't quite argue against. But, personally, when i look back at all the other jobs that i've gone through, it's always been torturous for me to get through the day. Reflecting back, perhaps it can be rationalised that i've transcended past the "let's finish the work quickly and go home to play or go out with friends" stage of my life. Acutally, that sounds pretty logical to me...i guessed i'm old enough that work is no longer something out of the extraordinary or some chore, but rather a way of life..haha..thank God for that too then, cos if i'd carried on with my previous mentality when i enter the workforce, i'd be going through depression everyday!
Of course, with every experience, there is something to be learnt. I can't say that i've realised just what i've learnt from my Mattel experience, since experiential learning is often intuitive, but here's just a few thoughts on what i've discovered about myself:
1) Analytical mind: during our last conversation, my supervisor, Jonathan, was just asking me what industry I was interested in. True to my nature, I just replied that I hadn’t really thought about it: meaning that I probably have an idea what I’d be interested in, but just couldn’t think of it at the moment. He just noted that he found me to be a very analytical kind of person, and that consulting would be a line of work that I could look into. I didn’t think too much about that comment then, but, pondering over it, it seems quite true that it’d be something that would suit me; I like to work smart, not necessarily just working hard (i.e. I’m lazy) so I tend to look for shortcuts to doing things, rather than just doing things e same old way. Which brings me to another thing about me..i HATE to do monotonous stuff..if I could, I’d do e same thing in different ways each time! Randomness is so much more fun, makes u feel less robot-like. Of course, this only applies to certain situations; I can only handle so much randomness..haha..
Probably another thing about me is my apprehension to meeting new people or making the first step in approaching others. I mean, I’m fine with ACTUALLY meeting or talking to other people. It’s just the thought of it before I put it into action that brings dread to myself. It’s like how I rarely ever call people, even though I must admit I like talking on the phone as much as anyone else. Sometimes I really just wanna ask myself why I’m like that? Why am I so afraid? It’s like I just can’t bring myself to be put in a situation of rejection at all…sometimes it feels like a barrier for me to know and love others. Must really pray that God will help me on this…
2) Fear of failure: towards the end of the internship, there was a project that I screwed up quite badly. Jonathan, who’s usually damn nice, also reprimanded me for it. At that point, I felt that the mistakes really weren’t my fault and that he’d just thrown the project at me…felt so angry at everyone then…was feeling very stressed too. In the end, I managed to clear up everything. But just looking back, I found that when I was stressed, it was like I became a totally different person. I blocked out everyone, and I guess through my body language and expression alone, I made sure everyone knew that I wasn’t in a good mood. Even though I didn’t shout and scream at others, but it was like i put a total emotional block up. And the scary part was that, I was so focused! During those hours that I was stressed up, I managed to just sit in front of the computer for hours on hand, focusing totally on my work. Usually, I wouldn’t last 5 minutes before I started wandering off either psychologically, or physically. I don’t know whether I’m paranoid or not. But it just kinda scares me to think that I might end up permanently being in that mood after I join the workforce. Sheesh…I can pretty much assure you that you wouldn’t want to be around me then..

Last day of work, was pretty slack and uneventful, since the main event, the toy trade show, was over the previous week. Had a ‘farewell dinner’ at pasir panjang food centre with the rest of the office staff..seemed more like just an outing than a farewell…guess we’re just another 2 more interns after a long line of previous interns. Not that I minded, I know where I stand. After 3 months, I hardly got to know the people there. Haha.. I guess that, at the workplace at least, emotional attachments are formed out of more Machiavellian purposes…just a general thought…no offense to people already working..
Well, like they say, we live and learn, and it’s been a great learning experience…but truthfully, I’m looking forward to a break, where I can sort out my personal stuff and thoughts…feel like such a robot, what with the hectic schedule since last august…got 3 more weeks before I start school..gosh, I’ve earned this break!!

Sex.Violence.Wrong

2005-07-17T23:33:00.000+08:00

yup, the 3 words to describe Sin City.
i'd heard from peter that this was a pretty unique show, not so much for it's plot but rather for it's presentation.
Must agree with that point. It was indeed quite an interesting way to tell the stories. Guess it was almost neccessary, considering the barely-there plot.
I'm always one to want to appreciate how directors are able to show the audience the different sides of a simple story, turning even the simplest tale to a philosophical analysis of life or beyond.
Sin City, however, has no pretence that it sells itself based only on the 2 sure-sell points.
yup, you guessed it. Sex and violence.
Before the film, i'd no idea that Quentin Tarantino was a guest director. But after watching the show, it was quite obvious that it was his extravagantly-violent signature style that was stamped over this comic-book-to-film movie. Couple that with the ninja chick in part of the story and you could definitely sense the Kill Bill deja-vu come all over you.
From a Christian point of view, this film represents all that is wrong with the media nowadays. I found that, halfway thru the film, where the bodycount was getting abit too ridiculous, the only way i could continue to carry on watching the film was to accept the violence.
Yes, in the very same way that i was led to believe that it is ok from women to prance ard barely naked.
DESENSITIZED. that's the word for the media's most powerful weapon.
I'd read in a Christian book before on how some Christians had made vows not to watch movies or television for months at a time when they felt spiritually down. Little wonder, since it is so easy to embrace the values of what we see, rather than listening to the small gentle voice of the Hold Spirit.
Fellow brothers and sister, we ARE at war all the time. And the sure sign that we're losing is when we think we're not fighting the spiritual battle.
Sure, we can say "ah, it's okie lah. Modern times what. I'm strong enough to take it"
Well, i can only say that i won't take a test if i know i'll fail.
I guess that, in the end, it's up to the personal belief and faith as to what to do regarding this matter.
For me, i think it'll be a long time before i go catch another movie like this.
it's so WRONG.

BB CARES 2005

2005-07-16T23:16:00.000+08:00

gosh..i'm absoloutely drained by today!

BB CARES Carnival - normally a day where all the BB Companies in Singapore go out to do community service projects as part of a nation-wide initiative..really meaningful stuff...
as it was, this yr just happens to be the 75th anniversary of BB in Singapore so we're obligated to do something different. thus, this year's BB CARES is a combined event where all the BB Companies as well as their beneficiaries come to the Police Academy and enjoy a day of fun and fellowship in a carnival with programs, games and food stalls, all run by the BB.

Our company was assigned to Man Fut Tong Nursing Home, based in Woodlands. It's a place where elderly folks who need medical or close attention go to for much of their week. Some are even permanent residents.
Sad to say, preparations weren't as smooth or as meticulous as it should have been, partly cos of my tight schedule and partly due to miscommunication, but all praise to God cos everything went great!
So proud of my Boys today! cos my Pri.5 Boys were all at the NE show, so only a few Pri 6 Boys were there to mentor to all the other younglings...and boy, did they do us all proud. Although the mischievous and petulant side of a little boy did surface now and then, they showed such great care and initiative in helping the elderly folks...sigh...the feeling of a proud father...
Anyhow, must really thank God for safety and good weather. Didn't have much officers with me so i was really afraid that things wld go crazy if it rained. It was just as well we didn't have to use the umbrellas we brought. Well, the weather was nothing short of perfect, cloud and windy, a perfect comfortable weather for old and young alike.
The carnival was really quite impressive. Considering this was a totally voluntary set up, with the BB Companies paying out of their own pocket to set up the games and food stalls as well as supplying the prizes, it was really heart-warming to see so many Boys being able to participate in this humanitarian effort.
Although most of the elderly folks didn't really fancy the games, at least they enjoyed the food. True Singaporeans they definitely are..haha..the elderly folk i was with, Madam Fadimah, was quite onz though...played a few games..haha...and the Boys just piled prizes on her even though she didn't exactly win...shd've seen the smile on her face...that's what it's all abt...
I guess that, in the end, we weren't really able to talk and communicate to the old folk's as much as we could, but i'm sure that they'd appreciated the efforts of our youths and it was a wonderful experience for my young Boys.
Hope that memories like this stay with me forever...it'll remind me that serving the Lord is indeed such an honor..Amen!

Bible Quiz!e terr

2005-07-02T21:39:00.000+08:00

whole day was spent at the BB Bible Quiz at Paya Lebar Methodist Church...
at the very beginning i thought that the format for the quiz would be really like a game show, one-on-one team competition...
but turned out that it was actually in the form of a series of games stations which required you to know your stuff in order to do well...there were win,lose or draw, charades, mix n match, and a few other stations...of course, there must be some form of academic test of bible knowledge to be included in the form of an individual mcq test..
was really surprised and glad to see that the quiz was run very well..you could see the planning and operations were well thought out and efficiently coordinated..the manpower was also distributed effectively...guess i had much lowered expectations after the BB Adventure Quest fiasco...but well done and all praises to God that everything went well...
the officers (i.e. me also) were assigned to various roles for running the games station...i was involved in the Mix n Match game section...basically, for this section , the Boys were supposed to piece together little cards containing one or two words in order to form a verse.
The verse was taken from Joshua 1:9 -

Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor dismayed, for the Lord your
God is with you wherever you go.

which was pretty meaningful, and if you have time, read the rest of Joshua...you can really take courage from the faith that the people of Israel had in God and how He allowed them to overcome all obstacles. And yet, it also shows the mistakes that they made. Shows that no one is perfect, but yet God is a loving God, and He will forgive us for we are weak but He is strong!

anyways, of course, as it is with any game, a simple objective is made complicated, and the complication here is that the cards are mixed in a box of confetti so some Boys have to dig it out, AND they have to pass it to another 2 Boys who act as runners who can only bring one card at a time to ANOTHER Boy abt 10 metres away who will arrange and consolidate the cards AND they are not allowed to pass more than 19 (the acutal no. of words in the verse) cards to the last Boy AND there are actually 32 cards in the box of which only 19 are the "real" words AND they have 5 minutes to complete the task.
Quite an interesting extended version of the mix n match i usually do with the Boys (w/o the running and confetti and false words version)

ok, so after all the games ended, there was a session of "entertainment"....apparently there was a "magic" show by this fella (didn't even bother to remember his name) anyhow, i recognised him as the same person who did a super lame 'magic' show during the BB Adventure Quest...
Honestly, this show was the same thing...really lame and weak magic tricks..somemore he invited Boys to come to sit right below the stage (and thus allowing them to see the secrets of his tricks). Sniggered at him so much that in the end it was really entertainment. Sigh.
Guess it's cos of e ass i am that i only judged him based on what i saw and what i failed to see was a man putting himself up for ridicule and jest just so that the Boys could at least smile and have some fun....sheesh...when will i ever learn...

ah well, anyhow it has been a gr8 opportunity to bring some of the Boys to church for 'training' during this past month...and when i asked the 3 non-believer Boys if they were coming to church tmr, 2 said 'yes' straight, the other Boy also wants to go but the mother is a bit reluctant cos he's supposed to study..gotta pray that she'll allow him to come...

yup...quite a fun if tiring day...spent the rest of the day alone...for once in a very long time...been so caught up with work that i hardly have time for myself...promised myself to sleep early tonight...yup...so...Zzzzzz

BIFF! BAM! SPLUNK!

2005-06-26T22:19:00.000+08:00

watched Batman Begins today..which was quite nice cos i was desperate to watch ANY movie...sheesh...i've missed so many movies i wanted to watch already...and faced with Batman everytime i go to work...it's really something that i HAD to watch...

Peter had said it was pretty good, so i had quite high expectations cos i trust his taste for movies. (since he watches so much darn tv and movie, he's qualified to be a critic)

watched it with vanessa and kevin (2nd time he's watching it, that crazy bugger,haha)...kate wanted to watch with us too..but she had to go back to prepare for e start of school...orhh..poor gal..but dun be sad..it's for yr own gd :) and it wasn't THAT great a movie...next time we watch another movie together ya? :D

okie, enough of that, to the movie then..

Blockbusters seem to follow a certain formula nowadays. Apparently, directors have deduced that, by taking the good elements of past movies, dumping them into a mixing pot, the resultant mixture will surely sell...here's what i checked off:

1) Philosophical Hero tag phrase: "Bruce, why do we fall?" --> "with great power, comes great responsibility"

2) Strong-willed gal who needs to be saved by hero, but can soothe hero's heart - the cute looking Katie Holmes who turns amazingly annoying and peripheral to the plot after her 3rd appearance

3) cool gadgets/gizmos - To be expected. But the whole drooling and ogling over the Batmobile is quite ridiculous. Midway into the main chase scene, i felt deja vu: was i watching an extended version of the Batmobile toy vehicle ad that i see everyday at work?

4) unsung hero/bumbling sidekick who is a gd man in e midst of crooks 4 unexplained reasons: Gordon in this case.

5) one-liners - too many to count, too inane for me to remember, though i recall sniggering at some for it's blatant use throughout e show & yet they seem to think it's witty. no one does it like Arnold "you're fired" Schwazenager.

6) twist in the plot - thanks to dear kevin, the twist was revealed to me 5 min into the show. thanks man. idiot. still, the plot wasn't of the Night Shamylan standard. i didn't really care who was behind the plot anyways, just wanna see some ass-kicking

7) hero's high hit points - No. of punches to get enemy down & out - max: 2-3. Hero after being punched on e average 1-2 times by 10-20 enemies - unscathed and still able to fly ard stylishly. think Steven Seagal. Where's Bruce Willis when u need him?

i do....

2005-06-25T22:17:00.000+08:00

wow...long time since my last post...
no inspiration or time to act smart lately, so no philosophical BS from me...

but anyhow, today was a day worthy of blogging.

THE WEDDING OF DENG LIPING AND DAVID LOO

yup...their wedding today..in the words of the bride (after the ceremony of course), "finally it's done"
gosh..they've been together like forever man...i'd thot they were married already! well....although i'm hardly close to them, it was nice of them to invite me to the wedding ceremony in church...think this is only the 2nd wedding that i've conciously been to...conciously cos i can't quite seem to seperate the family gatherings and the weddings that i've been to when i was young. both had alot of ppl i'd nv seen and free food.

well, it was a pretty simple and sweet wedding...1st actual Christian wedding..i thought that it'd be like in TV shows; guests wait for a loooooonnngg time, then bride walks in, wedding march sound, the dad sends e bride off, cue the priest, blah blah blah, i do, i do, kiss kiss, yay, buffet reception.

but nope...it was really a wedding dedicated to God. there were hymns, prayers, and even a message of blessing from Pastor James that could serve as encouragement to the married couples too, which i think is really meaningful and e way it shd be...a wedding shdn't be a performance for your family and friends. it's a public declaration of your love for your partner as well as how you 2 want to devote this union to God. Beautiful.

Water of Life

2005-06-12T22:07:00.000+08:00

Attended the morning service for the 1st time in nearly a month I reckon…gosh..a sure sign that I don’t read the church bulletin is when more than a dozen youths are due to be baptized and I have no idea at all….but anyways…really proud and delighted that these youths have taken the step to declare their faith…hope I remembered everyone here:

Amanda: yup…e jiahui lookalike…gosh..shd stop saying that..it’s like demeaning her…ok then..from now on, jiahui is the Amanda look-a-like! Well…ur really quiet…haven’t had much chance to talk to u or to get to know you, but from what I’ve heard, u seem to be a person who really thinks hard abt the religion..which is a wonderful thing cos nothing shows interest and commitment to a cause than questioning it and seeking answers…

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7

Clement: my assistant cell group leader…haha…which I hardly ever attend :P you’re a cool guy man…and ur really gd at tennis, as I found out first hand…hehe…a really nice guy…glad that you’ve taken up a leadership role in the cell group..i’m sure God wants you to grow even more and ur doing great so far…jia you!

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16

Sean: an impressively studious guy…hahaha…okie..i will cut it out….i got to know sean during camp last year..he was in my discussion group…get the impression that you’re a really intelligent guy…but definitely not a nerd man…you’re cool J think you’re in swi lin’s group right? Which means you’re in good stead when it comes to spiritual input, although it may come at the price of ur sanity…still..it’s cool to be crazy for God! Amen.

This is what the LORD says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong
man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,"
declares the LORD. Jeremiah 9:23-24

Sophia: wow…it’s been like nearly 4 years at least that Sophia 1st came to e church….still remember that you seemed like quite the problem kid then….always sulking at the back of the room during YF…also remember the time u had mini-dreadlocks! How things have changed…you’re much more matured now…can see your love for God has really grown too…very glad that you went for the mission trip…hope that your love for God will be in all e decisions you make in your life

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. Philippians 3:12-16

Marcus – still remember the 1st time I really got to talk to you..during the YF camp at changi…yup e mosquito infested one…you were really mischievous and rebellious then! But looking at you now, I’m glad to see that you’ve grown more mature…Fellowship with God kinda has that effect ya? May you grow in wisdom and enjoy His Presence even more with each new blessed day!

Open my eyes that I may see the wonderful things in your law. Psalm 119:18

Andre – And-Dan! Haha… a member of the famous class of Dan , 2003 YF Camp…. Wow..e more I know you, the more I’m impressed by you…from the classic “I’m so stupid” action that you did during THAT skit as well as the dumb dumb way that you act sometimes, I’d thought u were just another clown…but wld I be wrong man! You’re musically gifted and committed in what you do…and the most wonderful part is that you are doing it for the Lord! Can see the potential in you to lead…I’m sure God has His plans for you. :)

Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Psalm 119:33-35

Shandy - the other Wong here…aiyah..basically I love her to bits cos she’s just so adorable~!! Beyond her looks though, can see that she has a really good heart too…I want a daughter like her~! Gonna clone her~~ hehe…okok…yup..she’s a really sweet gal lah…but think her bible knowledge is abit low…so shandy, I hope that you’ll learn to enjoy God’s Word yah?

Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of
the LORD. Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart. They do nothing wrong; they walk in his ways. Psalm 119:1-3

Gabriel – the gentle giant…he’s really opened up over the years.. that’s great! Feel especially happy for him that he’s also taken up the leadership position for this year’s YF camp…I’m sure God will lead you to know more of Him as well as yourself through the whole process!

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-3

Reuben – my group member in Footprint group! And the legendary egg-stick-basher. Sorry for always making fun of you but you’re a really great sport! And I’m really glad that you have been faithful in your walk with God through the years. May you grow to be a shining example to the younger youths!

Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set
them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. Titus 2:6-8

Ezra – my assistant cell leader for Dan v2.0~! haha…yup…you’ve really been blessed by God with a good spongy brain…also quite grounded in the Word of God. Take faith in the Lord and allow His Word to guide your every action man. You have a long road ahead of you and I’m definitely sure you’ll grow to be a great servant of God.

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Philipians 2:1-3

Hazel – my buddy during the Thailand trip! And almost-permanent secretary of YF. May you seek His Will and gather more wisdom from His Word which is the source of all wisdom! J

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

once again..hope I didn’t leave out anyone~! Sigh…looking at these kids grow and get baptized..makes me feel older…again…

Live for Him

2005-06-11T23:06:00.000+08:00

Went swimming with Natalie today…first time at bishan swimming complex…boy, was it crowded…guess it’s all e same everywhere on weekends…
Hadn’t been exercising for 2 weeks so I was really looking to burn some fats…managed 30 laps…but the lack of stamina showed..was quite tired after completing the 30th lap….
One thing really interesting about swimming in a public cesspool on weekends is that you notice a lot of young kids taking swimming lessons…some of them are just darn cute lah…so tiny! Think they’ve only just learnt to walk or something..but there they are…prancing about and jumping into the water…really amazing…and oh so adorable…think it’d be quite fun to be a swimming instructor…too bad I suck at swimming tho..haha
Shucks, natalie is so fortunate lah…she just came back from a company-sponsored trip to bintan…all expenses paid and FIVE meals a day! (the 3 main meals and 2 tea breaks) supposed to be some company-bonding trip with a few “meetings” thrown in to justify the cost…oh she’s interning for Daimler-Chrysler btw…yup…Mercedes-Benz company…so shiok lah…
But then again, I get free toys and board games so I shdn’t complain too much~ here’s to ripping off the big companies! Cheers mate! J
Anyhow, we went junction 8 after that, and saw Stephanie! She’s another smu schmate…wow..long time since we’ve seen her…we’re gonna meet for dinner this Wednesday, God willing, hmm…not bad…at last there’s some sign of a social life creeping back into my dour lifestyle…haha
Was shopping ard in junction 8…cldn’t find anything I fancied…UNTIL I came across this stall selling Christian T-Shirts and stuff…I KNEW I had to get something from that store…e T-shirts they’re selling are pretty good stuff….very applicable messages on them while the designs are quite classy, funky or just funny, although the material doesn’t seem very good…eventually bought one t-shirt and a “Live for Him” red rubber wrist band (yes, I have become “one of those ppl who wear those bands, as Natalie pointed out. Ah, but at least mine expresses my beliefs..how cool is that? Haha…excuses for posing..) paid abit more than I would usually pay for a t-shirt (that’s $23 if ur wondering) but think it’s quite worth it…they’re opening another stall in jurong point soon (dunno how soon) check it out ya? Gd way to get a nice t-shirt and spread the message at the same time J
There was a dog-show at the place….dogs all ard…some were really cute…I don’t mind dogs, and generally all animals…but, I guess, deep down, I’m a cat person, no doubt about it, dogs just seem so….needy…..even vulgar, in the way they behave..to me I prefer to just look at a cat..so much more elegant and refined…oh well…I AM prejudiced..so? sue me. =POh man…so late now…got so many things to prepare for tmr…haha….so much for having fun 1st and working hard after that :P

it sucks being a disciplinarian...

2005-06-06T22:42:00.000+08:00

sigh....feeling pretty bad now....just had a session with my tuition kid...he's pri 6 this year..gg for psle...he's hazel's cousin...
sort of made him cry jus now....he didn't do e work i assigned him and gave me some lame excuse for not doing it...i just checked with his mum to try to understand his situation so we cld work out a solution...turns out that he had plenty of time to do his work...his mum even kept asking if he'd finished his work...and he just kept saying yes...
so when e mum went to confront him after that....he just started tearing....he's a good boy...cos e mum didn't exactly scold him harshly...just expressed her disappointment...shows that he feels shame...
sigh....then, for his own good, i had my own round of lecturing for him...was firm and tell the truth in love to make sure he didn't get complacent..then he started tearing again...gosh~~ really breaks e heart man...wonder how it is with parents....think they'd cry after beating or scolding their children man...i think i would.... :(

What colour is your heart?

2005-06-04T23:04:00.000+08:00

Your Heart is Yellow

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

haha...pimples and blemishes on my face scream a big yes.. :[

BB Camp 05

2005-05-31T22:23:00.000+08:00

had BB camp from yesterday morning till today....
Although the duration of the camp was relatively short, it seemed an eternity, what with the last minute planning and impromptu programs...was quite a stressful time, and really depended on His grace to guide me through...
during the 1st day, we played mostly teambuilding games, which, of course when you play it with primary school boys, ends up with each team having reality-tv series kinda drama. All the fights and quarrels and alliances against each other...sheesh...but thankfully, they managed to work better together towards the end...unlike e adults on tv :P
it was quite a pity that i had to stop the games when the Boys got too rowdy...had to cancel half the games..and they were meant to be e most fun ones! but ah well....at least it's for their own good...kids need to be more disciplined to face life ahead with more grace. Tough love exemplified.
By night time i was really zonked out...was the only officer left to look after the kids and i jus seriously did not want to do anything...it's impossible to keep up with those kids' energy levels!
Still, managed to get in a game of captain's ball after a horribly botched attempt to teach them touch rugby~
Even those this was a 'camp', being primary school kids, they were only allowed to sleep in the hall, not in tents...so guess e next best thing was to pitch a bashaa in the hall! which we did, and yup, e kids just went for it jus for e novelty's sake..even tho it must've been burning hot inside the tentage...
Gosh..by the time it was lights-out, i was a virtual zombie...cld've just fallen asleep str8 away.. but yet, i still had to stay up and wait till most of the Boys were asleep..which didn't happen till ard 1am~! arghh!! lights-out was at 11pm!
Well, here's a tip to anyone who wants to get a kid to stop running abt and go to sleep: confiscate his spectacles...man, it worked like a charm! think those kids can't see anything w/o their glasses..hmmm......possible new disciplinary measure? haha....a new torture to add to my reportoire..muahaha
This morning, we went to Bukit Batok Nature Reserve for some treasure/scavenger hunt thingy...dunno how many more times we can pull this ol' trick again cos this is like e 2nd time we've done it...
Stiil, guessed it was fun for the Boys to be able to read a map and go to checkpoints. The reserve is a pretty gd place for that kinda thing since the paths are well-designated and quite far apart, meaning it's virtually impossible to get lost...
Back in sch, we let them have a chance to do some outdoor cooking...simple mess tin + instant noodle combo...well...guess it wasn't so simple..
Through an amazing cock-up, we only had ONE lighter for both the BB and GB...i ended up being the "fireman", meaning i was cooking my fingers(i.e. lighting up fires) so that they cld cook their lunch.
An interesting question by one of my Boys after the whole cooking thing: "Why does instant noodles taste so much better when you cook it here than at home?"
Not being exactly a culinary expert, i cld only offer a few possible reasons:
1) it's the hard work that makes it taste bettter (deprivation theory)
2) it's the hard work that makes it taste better (salt from sweat dripping into mess tin theory)
3) MSG flavours are enhanced when you mix more than one person's saliva in a pot
4) we drugged the food
well...still open for discusion i guess...

Throughout the whole camp, i just came to realise something. Kids don't mind doing anything so long as it's disguised as a game or seems like a novelty. Perfect specimens for the dark side of marketing you would think. Just wondered why are they as enthu for a silly little impromptu games that we arrange for them as a well-thought out and planned game?
Something that another Boy said that i shall remember for some time to come;
When asked what was the most fun part of the camp, he answered, "chasing you around lor, sir, why can't we do more things like that?"
Perhaps i shd explain..after all the various games during the day, i had a short debrief with them...then, 1 thing led to another and suddenly the whole bunch of 15 Boys were chasing me, trying to tickle me! sheesh..it's times like this that i really wished i wasn't so ticklish..
anyways...it was really e kinda kodak moment man...although it cld be pretty much likened to a herd of velociraptors(Boys) ripping a brontosaurus(me) apart...totally impromptu, no planning, just enjoying each other's company...*sob*

Well...my summary for the camp...alot of trials and tribulations, i.e. sick officers (i'm one right now), last minute planning, a marathon for me from the start of the camp all the way to e end, lack of sleep, pimple outbreak, irritating colleague attempting to destroy the sanctity of my leave day, losing my head at some of the Boys, facing 100s of questions per minute,
gosh,
i'm missing it already.

2005-05-31T22:01:00.000+08:00

YF Beach outing~

2005-05-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

finally~! went to sentosa today!
but, aiyah..didn't get much sun...it was really sunny when we got there ard 11am...but by 1pm the skies threatened to open up...so guess must thank Him for holding up the skies~ e cloudy whether made for a nice cooling afternoon to chill, play weird YF games , enjoy each other's companies, and of course, to worship Him...
Had a real fun time today...gonna make it harder for me to move on from YF cos i still feel so much attachment to them..but what the heck..shall enjoy it while it lasts~
BB camp tmr...hardly prepared...gonna depend on God' grace...hope it goes well... :P

Champs of Europe...Hail Liverpool!

2005-05-26T11:32:00.000+08:00

what a night at Istanbul...
in front of the sea of red, drama and tragedy alike was played out on the grass patch by 22 men chasing after a ball.
the final conclusion, after 2 extended periods and the lottery of a penalty shootout, the men in the red of Liverpool colors triumphed against a star-studded AC Milan team.
Wow...what a ride! watched the match at vincent's house...played our favourite "shooto" b4 the match...was all set for a tense, dour match...how wrong i was...
honestly speaking, i had tried not to have any expectations for liverpool cos i didn't want to get disappointed once again. Just getting into the finals was quite a fine achievement already, considering their injury woes, squad size and the general quality of the squad. Against a Milan team with star players in virtually every position, i was hard-pressed to believe that the Reds would do the job, especially given their form in the EPL.
I'd figured that, given Liverpool's strategy of only employing one striker, the only way they wld have a chance in this game was to defend all the way and hope for a lucky goal...
So you can imagine how i felt when Maldini opened the scoring seconds into the game...gosh... they really had their work cut out then..
by the end of the 1st half, i was already prepared to go home. vincent had even predicted that the final score may be 5-0, given his analysis of the soccer odds. he's pretty accurate btw, has a whole theory abt how every game in the EPL is fixed and predictable..but this was, as he admitted later, a "clean" game. It was really fortunate the vincent persuaded me to stay for the second half..if i'd watched it at home, i'd probably have gone to bed cos i had work today..
man...i wld have kicked myself if i really did that...
Liverpool looked like a totally different side during the 2nd half...dare i say it was the best i've ever seen them play this season? Gerard was getting stuck in, winning the tackles, leading by example...Carragher and Hyypia were rock-solid in the heart of the Pool defence..Alonso was playing the intelligent game..spraying passes, creating space, luis garcia was showing off his reportoire of tricks, keeping Stam and Nesta on their toes, even Traore abandoned his jester role and started playing football, clearing the ball off the line and containing Shevchenko..
in the space of 6 minutes, these courageous men created Champions League history by cancelling a 3 goal deficit against the 2003 winners..
Gerard opened the scoring with a majestic towering header into the top corner...a world-class strike leaving the unfortunate Dida with no chance at all..Pool were back in with a shout...the captain leading the way, galvanising his comrades to get up and at 'em..
Next, smicer, playing in his last match for the Reds, put all his injury and form frustrations behind him to lash home a daisy-cutter from the edge of the box through a sea of legs, sneaking in at the far post past the unsighted keeper....game on.
The liverpool onslaught ensued with an intricate build-up involving Garcia, Baros and Gerard, leading to Gattuso bundling Stevie-G over. Penalty.
Up stepped the spanish maestro, Xabi Alonso to take the penalty. The defining moment the will echo in history.....
The ball went to the far right corner of the goal but Dida does superbly to block it. Yet, it was Liverpool's night..the ball falls to Alonso and he blasts the ball into the net. 3-3. The crowd goes wild, the Liverpool anthem You'll Never Walk Alone fills the turkish midnight air...Liverpool have done it!
But there's still plenty of time left. the game was still on.
By this time, Milan had regained their sense of urgency and were pressing the Red's defence repeatedly...Cisse's on but he cuts a lonely figure up front as Pool dig in..
Heroics from the defenders and Dudek, giving meaning to "the ball hits the Pole" (he's from poland, if you don't get it) manage to keep the score level. Extra-time.
Having to chase from behind had taken much out of Pool...players were cramping..Carragher in particular soldiered on despite very visible exhaustion as well as cramps...
The ball continues to hit the Pole, and in a moment that could have been seen as a sign as to the outcome of the game, Shevchenko, European Player of the Year, world-class striker, Milan's main man, contrived to smash the ball against Dudek from less than a metre out. The ball could have gone anywhere, Pool's journey could have ended there and no one wld've blamed them...but they had a destiny to fulfill and it was not to end there. The ball ricocheted off the keeper, over the bar for a corner. The players, crowd and audience all over the world heaved a huge sigh of relief.
Given the circumstances, it was clear that Pool were playing for a shoot-out...they were already running on empty..They managed to hold on and after a bruising physical encounter, the Cup was to be decided on a contest of mental stength and luck. Penalty kicks.
The outcome of the contest was eventually decided by a familiar scene during normal time in the game...Dudek denying Shevchenko once again......
The crowd went wild, red was to be the colour of the night. The italians, cannot believe it. 3 goals to the good at the break, dominance of possession throughout the whole game and yet, there they were...the "losers" of the night...
To Milan's credit, they'd deserved to win based on their ability and potential...but as it's been shown in recent times...it is not neccessarily the best teams that win nowadays...it's the team with the greatest spirit and courage. Just ask Greece and Porto.
That, imho, is the beauty of the game....For Liverpool fans, how much more sweeter can this result be? Subject to continual frustrations through the years, tagged with the underachiever's bane, inconsistent to the point that being inconsistent is the only thing that Liverpool was consistent in; glorious one moment, hearbreaking the next....and yet, here we are, able to proclaim Liverpool as being one of the few clubs to have won nearly everything there is to win within the past 5 years, save for the Premiership.
This day belongs to Liverpool fans around the world...not a day to spite ur Man-U friends/rivals but a day to celebrate....to celebrate the faith and the emotions you have vested in supporting the Pride of Merseyside....and no matter whether it be the Spanish Armada of Alonso, Garcia, Morientes and Benitez or the Scouser Boys, Gerard and Carragher...we can expect much great things to come.
To the beautiful game, and to worthy Champs of Europe, Hail Liverpool!

Luke, wa si lin lao beh....

2005-05-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

today has been a special day for simon.

no.1. Simon the soccer player/jester managed to twist his ankle by tripping over the ball while playing court soccer.

no.2 Simon the tuition teacher/pocket money earner has been greatly blessed by God to be given a 5-day per week tuition assignment at Jurong with free dinner included.

no.3 Simon the sad man that he is, watched Star Wars Episode III all alone.

Yup...eventful day...shall just comment on point no.3...i'd always wondered how could ppl go and watch movies alone? that's like damn sad lah...but right now, after trying it out for myself for the 1st time.....well...it ain't exactly sad...since i managed to accomplish my task of watching the movie(note denial and rationalisation process in motion) and i did not need to waste time waiting for anyone or having to arrange this and that (sad isn't it? sigh..)...

Well, something i'd learnt in school sprang to my mind during this experience. It was during my Consumer Behavior class that my Prof, an american, used a research study done on movie-goers in the states to state a point.
To cut the long story short, basicially the research showed that movie-goers did not go to the cinemas for the movie but for the social opportunity it presents. Move-goers would just chit chat and interact before the movie, go in and stone at the screen, then come out and comment on the movie or chit chat abt anything else. It was the interaction part that was of true value to them, not the show itself.
Guess i can relate to that...i love to discuss movies after the show...a gd time for me to act smart and show off the things i consider to be wisdom...so in one word, i can summarise this new experience: empty. not good, not bad, but just empty. as in robot-like. pay money watch movie go home. hope i dun have to do it again.

As for the show....well..i guess it shows just how commercialised the franchise is...true star wars fans are sure to whine until (inevitably i feel) the next series of star wars movies come out. The plot was really superficial and really, i feel, it's the result of them trying to squeeze in the formulaic [main character stuck in the middle/whining to his girl/still stuck in the middle/gets lotsa psycho-ing from both sides/more whining and romance/makes a choice/totally changes his character in a short span of time] elements together with the actual facts that is supposed to link to the main franchise. Oh well...i guess to say that a prequel is predictable is self-defeating...

wow...look at the time...it's sleeping time~! Zzzzzz

Honor in defeat

2005-05-14T22:38:00.000+08:00

had a match against faith methodist church today....we lost 2-5...
we had quite a youthful line-up this time round...peter invited his friends, so for the 1st time ever, we had a full bench of subs! which is really what we needed..thank God for that...
as to how e match went...well we took some time to gel with each other and so we concede 3 goals in quick succession in the 1st half...but we did manage to string a few passes together and make it a pretty decent team...our opposition were mainly midde-aged guys but they had played with each other for nearly ten years! (asked them after the match :) ) and most of them were quite fit...wow...if we'd faced them in their prime we'd have been slaughtered...anyhow, we managed to pull a goal back to make it 1-3 at half-time...
the presence of the subs really showed as, for once, we were able to maintain and even increase our tempo in the 2nd half...still, we conceded a fantastic goal early in the second half...the opposition got a corner and it was partially cleared...the ball only fell to the right, somewhere just outside the penalty box...their sweeper just ran up and volleyed the ball into the top left corner..simply unstoppable...then we conceded a fluke lobbed goal..our keeper was one of peter's friends and he was very good! made a few vital saves..somemore he lives in the flats just opposite our pitch..haha....looks like we'll be seeing more of him...
later, we managed to pull one more back through a strike by louis (ORPC guy), who beat the keeper at his near post with a close range shot...
although we lost, the result didn't really reflect our performance in the second half...really encouraged and oh so happy to have played in this match man! we were passing the ball around, running for each other, reading their play....it's like just the spark you feel when everyone is able to fit together and work as a team...wow..this kinda experience ah, it's just so rare......i just felt so shiok, so happy after being able to play the beautiful game...the result really didn't matter at all! guess that the reason why i was so disappointed with previous matches was cos we were just playing long balls...this time round, we actually played intelligent football...guess e result is secondary to the beautiful game after all :)..like what daniel said in his prayer before the match..soccer is really God's wonderful gift to us..for those of u guys who don't understand what i mean...u have my sympathies :)

slack weekend....

2005-05-08T21:30:00.000+08:00

sigh...as it turned out...ONCE AGAIN, i'm not able to go to e beach..is God trying to tell me something? hmmmm...
but at least i wasn't too disappointed...didn't mind spending the time just resting at home and reading my comics! oh yeah! i love jurong library man...lots and lots of comics to read...if not the english type, there' s the always the chinese comics too....recently been reading this comic: Yu Yu Bai Shu....not too sure if ya'all heard of it...was quite hot during my pri sch days...nearly rivalled Dragon Ball Z but guess this comic ended quite abruptly at book 18. Quite an interesting read....the starting chapters were the usual weak guy with great potential getting the sh** kicked out of him, then he grows stronger, some gr8 teacher recognises his potential and trains him, then he becomes damn powerful and beats the sh** out of the previously mentioned sh**-kickers. The cycle continues a few times in varied ways and the hero gets ALOT of sh** kicked out of him/her but he never dies! and the bad guy dies thru his own stupidity. Morality of this, kids? Stupid people deserve to die. So don't be.
Anyhow, the interesting thing about YuYuBaiShu is that it evolves into a more adult theme in the later issues, dwelving into philosophy of justice, good and evil. Quite a decent attempt to challenge stereotypes, which i'm of course a sucker for. :P .The fight scenes are still cool of course, and when i first read it when i was acutally young, it probably didn't make too much sense to me, it was just the violence that appealed to my carnal desires..haha...
Reflecting on that, it gets me thinking about how so many of our fairytales have hidden meanings to it. Did you know that Alice in Wonderland was a satire of the political situation during the Cold War? and that Little Red Riding Hood, in its initial incarnation, was a story told as a shocking reminder of the consequences of adultery? Not too sure if i remember correctly, but, yeah, that's something interesting to chew on.
After reading the Da Vinci Code novel, it kinda gets me wondering how the Bible actually came about, its history and the process of selection. It was something i questioned during today's Bible study class..i mean, it's not that i question the sovereignty of the Bible, but just feel that, as Christians, we all should have at least some background knowledge of the Bible. Not so much to prove its reliability, but it's better to not be ignorant and have your faith swayed when people argue against the origins of the Bible...
okie..so much for that...

Went for YF bible study for the 1st time in months! haha...and the first time joining the new group...man...i was really the oldest person in the whole room! and by a few years at that! damien! where were you when i needed you?! haha..kidding lah :P
but anyhow, serena led bible study...think she really did a great job...remember that she was so quiet a few years back...she's really grown..PTL man! but, aiyah, as i am always with kids, i tend to be overbearing and think that i know better....talked so much that i was like taking over the session...i'd thought that they were gg abit off track and tried to intervene by sharing what i felt abt the lesson, only to find out that serena had already prepared the very same things that i said...sorry gal! :(
but the group was pretty cool, alan, caleb, clement, serena and myself. Think the move to split the bible study groups according the age groups was a real good one. More interaction and appropiate level of intellectual stimulation. :)

hmmm...the end of a weekend...on to the next week ahead...dunno how long i can keep up the 2 job cycle man...will try the best i can...too bad i dun have money..haha...nvm..shall work hard! jia you! :)

what a week....

2005-05-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

gosh~! Thank God it's e weekend!

what a week it has been~! waking up at 7am, starting my intern work at 9am at shaw towers..ends at 6pm or later...then i have to rush to e building beside funan I.T mall by 6.45pm where i start my second job...some data entry job for the Department of Statistics of Singapore...ending at 10.15pm...
by the time i reach home, it's already 11pm at least....a bath and short rest later, it's lights out for me and the cycle repeats itself....
well...it's been hectic but it's certainly not been boring/dull/sucky cos my internship is so nice!
Working at Mattel now, i get to see toys everyday! haha...just today i was assigned to go the Metro in Paragon to do some merchandising of the stock....1st time in many many years that i've hung around a toys store for so long..really recapturing the childhood days man...and gosh...e toys now! so fanciful and innovative! not to mention expensive..haha...
but i'm especially attracted to the toddler toys..Mattel carries the Fisher Price brand and this brand has several tie-ins with Barney and Sesame Street...so i get to see alot of products with that purple dino and ELMO! haha...elmo is so darn cute...can't help imitating its voice every time i play ard with one of the toys...
well...as it is...Barbie is Mattel's no.1 selling brand...goes to show that gals stay e same...haha...neutral comment there...doesn't mean anything :P. but it's really nice to know that girls are the sex who aren't so fickle...ok, so not that neutral a stand here..ah well...
so, most of the time i'm dealing with Barbie products, so i see alot of pinkish, blondish stuff the whole day no matter what i do, be it drawing up a poster for the toy store, doing some admin work for the boss and all...
hmm...you guys must be wondering...whats a manly, macho guy like simon dealing with Barbie dolls?
OK, i guess ya'all aren't probably thinking exactly that, but anyways its just a disclaimer just in case anyone wonders why i know so much abt those dolls...

must really thank God for this internship...my supervisor, jonathan, has been super nice and patient with eric(my sch mate doing e internship together) and me...he also let us do alot of hands on stuff and really trusts us with it...really learning alot man... :)

as for the data entry job...well...it's like how it sounds like...BORING...but hey..e money's not bad..for a job that entails switching most parts of your brain on and gg into robot mode..haha..

well...e only really down point of my week has been my grades for my past term....my appeal for corporate reporting failed...seems like i did very badly for my finals...dunno why i'm so bothered about this...guess that i had expected alot more than the grade i got...was really very confident...goes to show that higher expectations, lower satisfaction..
still..feel that i've let myself, my parents and God down....want to let go...still trying hard.....pray for me...
looking back at my sch life...i really wish i could turn back the clock and put in much more effort in the 1st few terms instead of chasing skirts...guess i needed hard lessons to get the message from God...

ah well....must be forward moving as Paul says...look towards the rest of my life! do the best i can for the rest of my days for the glory of God! :)

supposed to go sentosa tmr...have said many times that i'd be gg but all the past plans have come to naught...so....if God holds the weather tmr...hopefully i'd be able to join ashley and gang at the beaches..feeding my office-containted body some sun and feeling the soothing waves...I DESERVE THE BREAK! haha...

steep learning curve....

2005-05-01T22:49:00.000+08:00

another loss...this time by the highest score yet....but i guess we have improved from previous games and the opponents were really quite strong...all young and fit..apparently all of them play for s-league clubs at some level..played at centre-back position e whole game..must say that it's the position i hate the most...i'm a person/player that always tend to make mistakes...so putting me at a position where a mistake almost always means you'll get punished for it isn't a very ideal situation...as it was...within a few minutes, we were down by 3 goals...courtesy of me pushing up the line all the time to try to catch the players offside...BAD mistake..cos the referree for this game hardly gave any offside decisions for either sides...my lack of speed compounded the prob...SIGH...
well...it was an all BBPC backline...pete at left back, gabriel at right back, jon & me at centreback and pastor graham at gk..
don't remember too much about the match....
think we fell behind by 3 goals because of their long balls...like i said..it was all cos of the failed offside trap...think i'll play more conventional next time...
but straight from the restart after the 3rd goal, we worked the ball all the way up to their penalty area...then i saw this big botak guy in orange (the color of our strip) receiving the ball, pushing the ball forward and rounding the keeper, then slotted the ball in...GOAL!
goodness..it was GABRIEL!
haha...my right back! what the heck was he doing there? wow~! but it was a really nice goal...well done man :)
after that we scored a fluke...dun even bother to rememebr how it went in..but it was scored by one of the opposition players that was loaned to us cos we didn't have enough people..
1st half score...2-3...quite respectable score...
2nd half and one more of our players arrived..andrew from orpc...quite a good centreback...thought that we'd be tighter at the back then...
as it was...barely a few minutes in the 2nd half, we conceded another goal...from then on it was just a blur...we just kept being bombarded...kept conceding goals from then on...some one told me that the final score was 2-7...but i think it was more than that..
in between...got kicked in e face (once again), miskicked a few balls...etc etc...
well...gotta give credit to the opponents..they were much better organised...had a coach and all...hmm..not really a good excuse to make so many mistakes..
but guess i gotta be forward lookin! no point in dwelling on my mistakes..looking forward to the next match! =D

oh yeah...after the match..went to sembawang park for the church bbq...was really quite damp then...a good change from the ridiculous heat from previous days but still...heard that the rest had been drenched earlier...oh well..showers of blessings then..haha
e bbq was not good. by e time we arrived, most of the food was wiped out...only left cold noodles and really really chewy beef...really like chewing gum...my jaw was cramping by the time i was through with my 1st plate =(
but the main point of the bbq was not the food but the fellowship! was great to hang out with the YF once again..although i seldom join them cos i gotta move on to my own age group, they're still my wonderful spiritual family...wouldn't change that for anything in the world :)

supposed to start my internship at mattel tmr...but it's May Day! so another day of slacking for me then...there's court soccer tmr so something to look forward to....

this hols is gonna be really hectic for me man....9-5pm internship at mattel, 6.45-10.15pm data entry job at department of statistics...saturday morn BB, sat noon tuition...sunday church...wow...really won't have much time for other things...but guess it's good...at least i'll be kept so busy i won't have much time to think of or to do stupid stuff..happy summer ahead then! :)

another mediocre season....

2005-04-30T22:35:00.000+08:00

sigh.....just got back my overall results for Corporate Reporting...got a C+ which really sucks, especially considering the fact that 1/3 of the class got a B and 1/4 got A. Sheesh...had expected an average grade at the least, since i had done reasonably well for my tests...i know that the project was screwed..but man...i'd felt pretty confident about the final exams...
oh well...there goes another term....and the trend persists...every single term, i would have a boogey subject that pulls my GPA all the way down...was doing pretty fine with 2 A- and a B+, and this happens...from how i calculate it...it pulls my grades for this term all the way down to a B....simply abysmal..

guess i shouldn't think too much about it...not that i had any chance of chasing honours anyway...better focus on other parts of my life instead..

anyways...BB today was pretty fun..although was really disappointed to hear that one of the Boys who had been with us from the start quit because he felt there was not enough games and fun...i took it pretty seriously...and, to his credit, the fun factor has really sagged....but i guess there must be a balance between fun and discipline in any uniformed group. Hope that he will re-join us in the future...
Meet up with my tuition kid for the 1st time today...she's a chinese national so you can guess that i'm teaching her 'O' level english...my 2nd international student...first one was a indonesian kids...
had a pretty good chat with her....haha...boy...her english may not be that great but she sure can bitch about her homeland...specifically shanghai...i'd thought that shanghai was this developing place where the cost of living was shooting past singapore's...but not so, according to her...e impression i get of shanghai after the talk was that it's this congested, dirty, polluted little city...i found it quite weird that she mentioned that singapore's sky was so blue..later i discovered that she'd been living under the GRAY skies of shanghai for most of her life...GRAY! wow...how much pollution do you need for that to happen? gosh!
anyways...if you are wondering why the heck am i just talking cock to my student and charging her, well, i don't charge for the 1st session....gotta know whether i can help her in the 1st place and also allow her a chance to see if she's comfortable with me teaching her...think that for most chinese nationals, it's quite a steep learning curve coming to singapore to study...seems like EVERYTHING in china is taught in chinese..except english of course...even their science is taught in chinese!

tomorrow's going to be a fun day! bible study, church, soccer match and church bbq after that..wow...what more could you ask for? hmm...hw abt a A for my corporate reporting? ah...fat chance...shall treasure what i have then :)

Stats suck!

2005-04-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

started arranging my room in the morn...gosh..i have ALOT of junk...mostly church bulletins and notes lying all around...have decided to postpone the painting thing to a later date....no $$$ and think that it's just weird to paint one room out of the WHOLE house...

anyways...went for a swim at CDANs with ben later in the afternoon...oh and yeah...saw KAITLYN NG KAI LING before that! haha..no one shouts my name to the whole Toh Guan Road like you babe~ ;)

finally, went for a training session at the Singapore Department of Statistics cos i'm supposed to do some part-time data entry job for them...it was so darn boring!! gosh!!! the trainers just read off the slides and they were so "statistics"-kind...i.e. they don't seem to get out a lot if ya know what i mean (yup...really mean). i think i endured a total of 200 slides today? and yeah...there's 2 more days..whoopee~

shucks..i hate losing!

2005-04-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

The ORPC/BBPC church team lost AGAIN today...final score was 4-1 in favour of our opponents, some police team. They weren't particularly skilfull and most were quite out of shape, but at least most of them were experienced...
ARggghh!! i know that our team is still very new and we haven't developed any mutual understanding yet but it's just so utterly frustrating to not be able to produce any decent football at all throughout the whole match!

sigh...i played like crap today...no focus, no energy, nothing..just switched off...allowed their midfield to walk all over us...think perhaps i was just exhausted from the chalet stays the past few nights and BB this morning...but not really gd excuse cos i guess i just didn't have the confidence....

starting to find a really fatal flaw with myself...after being in the youth and BB ministry, i kinda get used to being in a power of authority and perhaps a position of superiority due to my age. Sometimes i feel that, while i may be confident and at ease with my juniors, i lose confidence quickly when i'm with my peers or elders. sounds like some kind of "big bully" mentality..been living in my own comfort zone lording it over the kids that i've lost touch with the adults...hmm....gotta take note of it...

went out with jason and eric after the game..sigh...still can't resist suan-ing eric...must learn to discipline my tongue...

OBS Group 40

2005-04-22T14:50:00.000+08:00

spent the past 3 days at Costa Sands resort with my orientation group from SMU. We're OBS Group 40! OBS cos that's where we had our orientation prior to the start of the SMU school term...cool eh? sadly they don't do it anymore. OBS was seriously fun lah...great way to know people! hmmm...but perhaps our group took some time to warm up to each other...cliques formed pretty quickly which was quite sad cos it meant that the whole group wasn't as cohesive as it should have been. Just looking at the attendance at the resort, 4 of the group of 12 weren't there...hmm...ah well...c'est la vie...people come and go i guess..

hard to believe that it's been 3 years since the start of the SMU journey. Time flies so quickly. Come this december, nearly all of them would have graduated into the working world. Another big step in life...

Reminiscing the post-NS days, it's unbelieveable how i was...still fresh from all the complications of teenage years, still ungrounded in my perspectives on myself, others, the world, and God. It's really by God's grace that i'm where i am now. Nothing great, but at least i'm happy. Still, contentment is no excuse for complacency. Emotional problems still wreak havoc now and then. Have a long long way to go in the journey to knowing God and serving Him fully.

Just a thought for June who's in aussie now doing the work of God. haha..i didn't know that she was the team leader till i read the mass email she sent. Then again, i'm sure God has chosen the perfect person. Hope she will be grow stronger through this experience. Must remember to continue praying for the whole team..

Been reading Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code...seems like everybody's reading it...so when i saw it lying ard at vincent's place i grabbed e opportunity to read it at the chalet. Finished nearly 2/3 of the book. think i shall finish it up tmr..
Feelings about the book right now? Every self-proclaimed Christian should read it. Why? haha...u find out for yourself. but please, no requesting for it to be used as Bible Study material ya?

Went to IKEA before coming home from the chalet today. Got some boxes for the BB cupboard. Got some cardboard boxes to put my stuff in too..(Did you know that those storage boxes are IKEA's no.1 seller? no wonder, cheap and good..shows that there are alot of cheap young ppl who buy ikea stuff..which is their tgt mkt btw)
Thinking of making my room a decent place for human habitation. My furnitures all pretty rudimentary. Would love to have wooden furniture. Gives a more soothing feeling..but right now, i'm stuck with plastic and metal furniture that's either black, white or gray. how sad is that? oh well...烂的牌有烂的牌的玩法..just make do with the cards i'm dealt. think i will start painting my room next week...any suggestions for colors?

HipPo Sunday!

2005-04-17T23:12:00.000+08:00

after church, went to suntec..tina's working for Ducktours, and managed to get us the opportunity to go for their new HipPo tour free of charge~! haha...nothing better than to get freebies from friends...so natalie and i both took it :P
anyways...it's basically this open air double deck bus tour that goes around the 'places of interests' around the town area..for one..it's bloody windy up there! haha...my hair was all blown upwards after the trip!
as for the tour itself...well...it's for tourists...so can't complain too much when the tour guide tried to make the tour as 'interesting' as possible...learnt some 'interesting' facts too!
Did you know:
the pan pacific hotel looks like a phoenix?
the marina mandarin hotel looks like an elephant?
the WWII memorial looks like chopsticks?
the esplanande is meant to look like a pair of microphone heads?
the 5 suntec towers are meant to look like the digits of a left hand? cos according the chinese customs, the left hand is used for receiving money while the right is used for paying money. and it so happens that there is a fountain in the middle of the palm where water flows in..symbolising good wealth coming in..
also, there's some building that is octagonal in shape, representing...u guessed it...good luck and wealth!

sheesh...ah well..they have to find SOMETHING to keep the tourists interesting...which makes me think that perhaps the casino is a step forward in bringing something acutally interesting to tourists...but the HUGE irony is that our Tourism Board's campaign is "Uniquely Singapore" but our idea of sparking tourism is to follow what others are doing..hmmm.....

HipPo tours~!

2005-04-17T22:54:00.000+08:00

sunday once again....led bible study in the morning...first time leading this year! haha...
continued the series on "Who is God?"
My part was on "What does God expect from you?"
Well...in summary, it's just one thing: Worship.
Of course, worship is such a general term...there are many aspects of worship;
the most commonly understood being the singing and attending of church.
but yet, that is but just once facet of worshipping God.
We can worship God simply by acknowledging Him as our Lord, Saviour and Provider in everything we do.
Also, we should seek to know God as much as possible. Since the most tangible way God has allowed us to see part of His awesome presence is through His Word and Works, that's where we should always open our eyes to.
Some pointers u got for the ol' google for better attitude in worship:
Prayer:
When you pray, do you;
pray with spirit AND mind?
believe in what you've asked for?
Singing:
When you sing, do you;
understand what you are singing?
When you are in Bible study, do you;
let your mind wander?
delight in His Word?
meditate on it day and night and use it to prevent yourself from sinning?

i'd really hate to not be able to practice what i preach..but i guess i'm far far far far away from being a good christian...still...i really felt motivated to get back on track after preparing for this bible study...guess that service is another form of worship...and the end result of worship is always joy. So...do you have joy in your life? if you don't, you need to worship!

To strive for what you can't have, or to treasure what you already have?

2005-04-16T22:27:00.000+08:00

hmm...starting my personal thoughts seesions once again after being freed from all kinds of other mental acrobatics (i.e. school).
kind of an old thought, cos i've always felt that it's such a tragic flaw in Man to not be able to treasure for what they already have, and yet it is so inevitable. Going with the evolutionary way of thinking, we can attribute our existence to the fact that our ancestors were those that constantly strived to improve and, in essence, to survive. Thus, through the process of natural selection, only these kind of people survive and produce offspring. Yeah, i know it's a ridiculously simple and naive way of looking at it, but you can't help but find that there's some truth in this theory. Putting aside the caveman era of survival, it's quite apparent that, in our modern urban world, the societal pressure is on moving onwards. If it's anything, we are increasingly being stressed into pressing for short-sighted gains.
hmm...looks like i'm going the american way...blaming society and genes for everything eh? haha...yeah...have to recognise that, in the end, it's all down to ourselves...
yup...i know myself too...many a times i'm at a quandary as to what to do. Find myself seeking meaningless stuff all the time, sometimes even looking focus as to why i'm trying so hard. However, the wasted effort really doesn't matter much when i compare it with what i've missed. What blessings He has placed before my very eyes but i do not see. How i've screwed up opportunities and missed the moment.
BUT...it's pointless to live a life of regret...learn from my mistakes and go forth not to repeat it again...that's the way it should be done..that's the way to make the most of the harsh lesson..just wish that i'd have learnt the lesson well enough though...doesn't seem like it right now...still torn at how to view my life and what steps to take. Guess i'm not seeking God's Will enough, not letting the Holy Spirit's soft promptings lead me...
well..the holidays will present an opportunity for me to just give myself some time to sort out my thoughts. hopefully, i don't waste this God-given time doing meaningless stuff...

Freedom

2005-04-16T21:47:00.000+08:00

yup....freedom is in the air! haha...so darn happy that this term's exams are all over...
really don't want to think about it anymore...just give my mind a rest before i prepare to work through the whole holidays...
was supposed to go to Sentosa today..but i felt too tired after BB, plus the fact that i haven't had much good rest the past few days...so just gave it a miss...would really like to go to the beach still though! sigh...perhaps next week :P

sore knee, cramping calves

2005-04-09T21:55:00.000+08:00

yeah...so much for the blog silence during exam period. anyways..played a soccer match for the combined ORPC/BBPC team against St margaret's / St peter's church (apparently that's just 1 church...anglican one next to SP)
they were a bunch of young lads while we were a bunch of old fogeys (youngest in our team,17, is probably the oldest amongst them).
while we fought valiantly, even taking the lead twice (1-0 and 2-1), eventually the energy factor told...with no substitutes, we were probably drained out by the end of the 1st half. at least i knew i was!
final score, a 2-5 loss...quite disappointing really, but given the circumstances, we were quite fortunate to come away with that score..if the opposition was more seasoned, i think it'd have turned out to be a rugby scoreline.
just one personal feeling after the match...GOTTA TRAIN MY STAMINA! arghh....really need stamina to play on the field or i'd just be a passenger...towards the end of the match i was cramping up...couldn't run at all with my calves throbbing...sheesh...so useless...so...after exams i'm gonna go for runs/swim/gym.. just for my beloved soccer :P
the match was at faraway bishan..nearly the other side of the world...it's a good thing i study well on buses...else it would have been such a slack day..as always, after a field soccer match, i've got plenty of aggression...a lot of drive to feed off to motivate myself to study, but a nice person it does not make me...so watch out! GRRRR
anyhoo, during the morning, had BB...quite a struggle cos there were only 2 officers. Caleb finally joined us! haha..very happy to have him cos i think he is a very zhai and calm person. teaches primary school kids too and can see he loves kids but, at the same time, is not afraid to play the bad guy....good times ahead for the Boys then..haha
after the parade, had some meeting with the principal and some of the staff to get our VAL (volunteer adult leader) certificate. basically it allows us to take the Boys and girls for parade without needing a teacher to be around. wow. how we would have needed this certification for the past 2 years where we've hardly ever had teachers around anyways.
the Boys warned me about the principal being kinda long winded, but it's something that you'd have to experience to know their pain. she went through the some rules and regulations regarding the VAL certification. it was 2 pages. but we took nearly an hour. at each point, she slowly and rather steadily, enunciated every single world, ending each point with an example of a news article she'd read before. can't imagine her reading a storybook to her grandchildren man.
ah well...kinda sleepy now..Zzzzz

Happy Birthday Melva!

2005-04-08T11:42:00.000+08:00

yeah...yes ANOTHER bday announcement...so here goes: Happy 22nd bday melva! :)

went to Kubai Khan restaurant at Park Mall for the birthday dinner. Heard of that place a long long time ago from my army friends. Been meaning to try it. Even though i knew it was gonna be costly (argh) but, hey, it's a friend's birthday, so eat 2 birds with one spoon.
well...gotta say that i expected a big variety of food but, as it was, the fare consisted mainly of japanese and continental. Japanese food was quite ok only. not very fresh. not very well made. but lotsa oysters and prawns, sushi and sashimi. the cold soba was not too bad tho..not too salty and not too bland. just that the noodles were a tad starchy.
the continental food was pretty horrendous...nv knew lasagna could be steamed. and for a good reason: it sucks that way! stick to using the oven! pasta was basically ketchup + spaghetti. (presses fingers together and shakes->> russell peters fans, u know what i mean. and no, i'm not asking if you want to eat. ;P )
after that i just stuck to the jap stuff. loved the mussels man.
but to give them some credit, there was this teppanyaki and "mongolian stir fry" thingy there that was pretty unique. the teppanyaki was quite alright, although the choice of ingredients were pretty pathetic. only abt 10 kinds? while the "mongolian stir fry" consisted of u picking a bowl-full of stuff for the chef to cook and then he goes on and stirring and frying, in the process sweeping 2/3 of the food you picked into the floor. perhaps it's some mysterious mongolian ritual for extracting the best part of the food for the customers. maybe even the latest diet trend. i don't know.
pastries and ice cream were......sigh....let's not talk about it...
still...for a grand price of $28, i definitely ate my fill..felt like crap after that...argh...
my ratings for this restaurant? 1 finger up (not the thumb) - die die must try, then you die.
haha...but it was quite fun bitching about the food, which was basically what happened during the meal...we really left no food uncritiqued. Perhaps its part of the restaurant's brilliant marketing gimmick to serve crappy food so that their customers can boast that "i can cook better than them". whatever. :
went to TCC in holland village after that to chill...i was quite stoned by then..just ROC and let them talk while i stoned at them :)
quite a fun day..at least a break from all the mugging...sheesh...just found that i gotta pick up the pace if i'm EVER gg to finish my study schedule. so this is the last blog while i mug. Pray for me pls! =D

leaving on a jet plane...

2005-04-03T22:27:00.000+08:00

sunday once again! had quite a nice bible study session in e morning...later Pastor James preached on something that spoke quite alot to me...
The verse for today was,

Be careful not to do your acts of righteousness before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. "So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. i tell you they truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who see what is done in secret, will reward you. Matthew 6:1-4 (NIV)

It speaks to me because, sometimes i question myself; am i serving in church with impure intentions? am i just trying to achieve some form of self-actualization and thus only seek my own interests? am i working hard just to show off to people how "holy" i am? do i gain pleasure from getting people to "join the club", to force my views on them?
It's really a struggle at times, especially so when your intended motivation source can generally be perceived to be intangible. That's when the human nature sets in and gratification becomes the source that drives you on.
In his sermon, Pastor preached on how we should only set God to our sole motivation for doing good deeds, and that it should be done in secret not because it's something that does not deserve to be shown in the light, but rather to ensure that your motivations are true.
Personally, i find that i've been growing weaker in this department. Sometimes when i share my experiences with others, i just find myself just slipping into the "i did this, i did that" kind of talk. So egoistical and foolish. =(
Some may argue that the 'doing it in secret' is just probably a figure of speech, the key idea is just to be humble. if you can talk about it and still maintain a humble spirit then it should be no problem. Well, i guess for myself, His Word is sovereign, and i believe that 'doing it in secret' is the only way not to unneccessarily tempt yourself. So perhaps the application for me today is to control my speech (yes once again) and thoughts, only speaking out to encouragement a fellow christian. hmm...shall try!
the next part is something that kinda troubles me...the rewards part...seems like a contradiction of the "doing it all for the Lord" first part of the passage. Cos it seems like greed is justified here. But Pastor stated that these rewards are perhaps things that are intangible, such as joy, or rewards in heaven. With that premise, i think it makes much more sense.

ok, so after church, i went to borrow vincent's PS2! haha..final day of chilling before the exam mugging starts! get to play my favourite WINNING ELEVEN 8! haha...it totally rocks man..but hope i don't get addicted to it and while my exam break away..haha
after that, went to play field soccer with jason's gang again. quite sad that the church ppl cldn't make it. but as it was, there were ALOT of people there already..enough to play 7-a-side soccer. And they weren't the usual uncle gang...was quite dreading an afternoon of snail-pace footie. so thankfully, jason had invited some of his OTHER friends down cos most of the uncles couldn't make it. Which was great cos they were younger but more seasoned players i reckon.
played e first half literally 2 man down (we had 1 less player + a little 10-11 year old kid?) and promptly got whacked 4-2. Played centre midfield at first. SIGH. i wish i could play there as my permanent position. the players i admire most now are all centre mids: lampard, gerrard and alonso. wish i was a skilfull enough player to play there. But as it was, and my friends vehemently agreed, i belonged in defense. =(
played the second half on equal terms as their keeper came over to our side. the kid went home. aw shucks..feel abit bad about the kid...somehow, during the 1st half, he seemed to be right in the middle of my way when i was about to shoot, or clear, or pass, thus fluffing my chance. so i just teased him a little..only meant it as fun i guess..but later my friend told me i shdn't have kids cos of the way i treated him. *ouch* *VERY OUCH*. only meant it for fun joy and laughter wat. =(
anyhow, my team played a heck lot better, got most of the possession play, contrived to miss a series of guilt-edged chances, failed to mark players, and ended up losing 1-2. sigh...i had a long range shot hit the bar..guess it's just not my day..
ok...a very looooong post today cos i think i won't be doing much this whole week.
IT'S MUGGING WEEK! haha...time to 闭关修炼 in Jurong Library.
and oh yeah..jiet left for holland. only coming back in 1 1/2 months time. sigh..haven't been able to keep in contact with her or most of my friends cos of project. looks like it'll continue with her even after my exams. Hope she has a safe and fun time there.
okie that's it..time for me to play my PS2! shooto~!

BBAQ 2005

2005-04-02T23:03:00.000+08:00

woowee...what a day!
yup...brought the Pri 6 Boys for this year's edition of the BB Adventure Quest...first time for me personally too...got up at 6am (i hate waking up early!) n reached west coast park with the Boys at 8am to meet up with the rest of the Junior companies...gosh...The Lord really blessed us with alot of showers of blessing today...but thankfully, it never came to a downpour..just kinda drizzle all e way up to noon time...
well...basically started at west coast park..e first check point was some puzzle concerning the stuff the Boys had learnt during normal BB parades...interestingly...i've previously done all e stuff that they asked the Boys to do...so, as it was, it wasn't too much a problem..
on to the next checkpoint, haw par villa...man...that place gives me the creeps...all those idols and 18 levels of hell stuff...not really settling stuff..and i kinda question the wisdom of the organisers to conduct some treasure-hunt kinda checkpoint there...some of the clues were like "buddha", "luck", "deity". i mean...what the heck? what msg are we sending to the Boys?
anyways, that checkpoint was really frustrating cause 1) it was raining, 2) we were just given super ambiguous ( or rather, non-existent) instructions and ended up spending half the time figuring out what we had to do in the first place. Moreover, some of our clues were missing!
ah well..at least it's over..
next stop was the MOE labrador adventure centre...wow...my Boys did me proud there...crossed the commando crawl obstacle in no time at all...in case u're wondering what the commando crawl is..just picture crawling on all fours...except this time u r crawling along 2 suspended ropes!
yeah..like i said...they did us all proud :)
the stop after that was at Mt Faber. And i have this to declare: My Boys and I climbed ACROSS Mt Faber..haha..yup..due to our "map-reading expertise" we ended on the wrong side of the mountain and had to trekked over and across Mt Faber..haha..like my Boys said...we may not be the fastest team to reach the checkpoint, but we're the "healthiest" team....hmmm...considering we were munching on junk food along the way, doesn't really seem like that's the case..but hey..whatever makes them happy yah?
haha...yeah..jus gotta sidetrack abit..those Boys of mine have this really special gift..the ability to deceive themselves..haha..all along the way they kept telling themselves they still could be in the running for 2nd or 3rd place...(we ended up in 51st place)..and talked about how we could win prizes of X-box, PS2, etc, etc...yeah...really took nearly all my willpower to shut that damned mouth of mine and let them give themselves hope...hmm...something to learn from them perhaps..the power of optimism..
yeah..anyways...thank goodness that the next checkpoint was our final one: Junction 8...
so after going through our by now customary habit of taking the wrong bus and going one whole circle, we got to the mrt stop. And when we reached bishan mrt station, quite naturally all the Boys sprinted. In different directions.
So, after gaining insight into what Jesus said about the shephard and the lost sheep, i managed to shephard the flock to the finish line...not before giving them a piece of my mind of course...
sigh....it's a happy day..no doubt about that..but just makes me think of how time flies..these Boys were from my 1st ever batch..love them to bits lah...darn funny at times and also infuriating too...haha...but the 1st generation will always stay in your heart and so would they. Thinking back of how they, as Pri 4s, were so shy, timid and innocent then, can really see that, now that they're in Pri 6, they are really growing up. hmm...kinda like fatherhood in some sense..watching your "kids" grow up....really wonder what trials and tribulations our Lord will allow them to face...pray that through BB, it would have made a difference, and at least planted the seeds in the non-believers..
all in all, a happy day! saftey and fun, what more can you ask for? PTL!

Peace....

2005-04-01T12:56:00.000+08:00

yes! at last! all my presentations are over! only left with 1 project report..woohoo!!! time to finally chill over this weekend....
gosh...this whole week has been quite crazy...spent wednesday night (or rather morning) doing up my powerpoint presentation for thursday...worked on it till 6am!! gosh...think i'm a powerpoint nut~
anyhow...as all the projects are over, time for some reflection once again. I don't know whether it's just a 3rd year thing or anything, but seems like everything was done so last minute! yucks..i hate last minute work...can't do anything decent with it..but as it is...barring 1 project, all the others were all clutch work...sheesh...
but then again..it could be that i've just become more demanding of my grp mates...thinking back, it wasn't like i was especially hardworking or intelligent in my work anyways. In fact, from all i've done, i've shown myself to be displaying less and less E.Q.
So, I therefore conclude that it's abit of 3rd year students being more packed with work and thus having to prioritise and it's also me. Think i've come to judge people more and more..becoming more superficial each day....been tryg to tell myself to not do this but..sigh...really..need more grace from God.
Well, we live and learn...haven't been in much mood to blog..probably because i just didn't wasn't prepared to reflect upon myself yet..well...done it now...feel abit more peace i guess..but shall continue to seek God with prayer and petition :)
anyhow...this weekend is gonna be great! gonna have BB Adventure Quest with my BB Boys e whole of tmr...then soccer on sunday! woohoo!!! haha..so much to look forward now..gotta chill this weekend before i start my mugging next week. cool. :)

MY REDEEMER LIVES~!

2005-03-27T22:14:00.000+08:00

oh yeah~ amen to that...it's great to worship a Saviour who i KNOW is ALIVE~! No worshipping dead ppl here :)
anyways...it's been a real kiddy day today...was involved in the easter celebrations in the sunday school..2 of my BB Boys came to church and 1 of them is gg to come every sunday~! yay~! haha..hope there'll be more to come!
yeah...as u can imagine, having all e kids cram into the seminar room, it's just amazing how many kids you can squeeze into the room...they're so darn adorable..haha..e things kid say..just brings a smile to your face and makes all the work worth it...
so..after church...went to play field soccer with Jason's uncle gang...sigh...as i said..it's really been a kiddy day...we actually played with KIDS~! think they're sec 1 at most...guess they're not bad for their age..but it just felt like we were bullying them...but as it ended, i think we lost to them (even though i didn't bother to keep score!) it was a pretty lousy show of soccer today...so many miscontrols and mistakes from everyone that it's better off not thinkg about it.
but anyhow....there's field soccer next week with the BBPC/ORPC gang! at marina somemore...nice place to play soccer...can fly kite if no one passes to me on the pitch! hope to see more YFers come down and make it like an excursion..haha...
oh yeah..and one last thought..sometimes, when you haven't seen someone for a long time, the sight of the person can actually take your breath away! :)

Piercing of God's Heart

2005-03-25T22:54:00.000+08:00

What greater hurt is there,
than to see your very own child perish?

As our Saviour hung on the cruel tree,
Our Father's heart was pierced.

When the Lamb of God gave up his spirit,

His murderers asked,

"What have we done?"

A Portrait of Grace,
He died for YOU and ME.

Each time we forget the Son of Man's sacrifice,
Every instance we show our ingratitude
We pierce our Father's heart again.

"What have we done?"

Worthy is the Lamb...

2005-03-24T23:57:00.000+08:00

Forsaken

by those He loved

Ridiculed

He kept His Silence

Abused

The gentle Lamb

Sacrificed

that we may live

爱

Release.....

2005-03-23T23:55:00.000+08:00

finally~! my corporate reporting project is over~! the source of nearly all my stress and frustrations for the past 2 weeks~! woohoo~! it's like a thorn taken out of my flesh~!
yeah...had my presentations part today...was freaking stressed out by the thought of the professor questioning our every point and assumptions. Thank God that he showed mercy on us and let the class do the dirty work of questioning our itty-nitty details...haha...but whatever, it's over~! so i'm glad :)
Well, as with nearly every experience in life, it is God planned and purposed for my own good.

I've learnt a few things about myself:
1) i cannot take stress - when i'm too stressed, i would either rage out, or just fall into a state of total denial.
2) i like to bitch - just cldn't help bitching abt my project mates. What ungracious and ungodly behavior =(

No excuses for failing once again, as there should never be. But i've prayed forgiveness and by His grace, i hope to glorify God the next time such a situation comes again. So please wake me up when i am stressed please~! =D hmm...planned to write somemore..but it's late...so...zzzzzz

Casino....

2005-03-22T23:04:00.000+08:00

signed up for the petition at www.facts.com.sg today.
Which means i am AGAINST the approval of casinos in Singapore.
Saw alot of signatories on the website too. but i just wonder, how many people are actually opposing the launch of casinos just because they think it doesn't seem right? Do most of the people even bother that much? Or are they just going with the herd mentality and just following what they've been led to believe?
As it happens, i've some thoughts on this casino issue, not so much because i'm much of a political thinker, but just that I happened to be present at various scenarios where this topic was discussed.
Anyways, I was at LKY's talk at NUS about a month or so ago. You might probably remember it for a certain history undergraduate who had a few choice words for our MM(he doesn't melt anywhere....ok not funny). It was rather a pity that the whole event was overshadowed by a history undergraduate who should be applauded for his courage in venting his exams stress on probably the most powerful political figure in Singapore. (personally i prefer to just go for a jog)
While his talk on "how much of our past experience is relevant for our future" was perhaps just another excuse for his "back in the pre-independence days" stories, it was perhaps his answers during the Q&A sessions that really meant more to me.
Apart from that brave soul, there were others who questioned our MM. In particular, i remember the first guy cos he sounded so eloquent and his tone was so measured and sounded so refined while asking his 5 min question. By 5 min question, i mean that's how long it took for him to ask his question.
To sum up his question, it was something about how come Singaporeans do not have their own identity and how we've grown to not have a sense of belonging.
I'm sure at some point in time this topic has come out and you've probably just nodded your head in agreement and started bemoaning what wretched souls we are to not have a home for our own.
I must admit, that prior to that talk, that's pretty how much i felt.
MM's response was what shook me up. In fact, his answers to every other question after that were very simple.
No. 1, where did you get that information?
No. 2, if you really feel so strong about it, do something about it.
Going back to the Mr 5 minute man, the first question revealed the source of his enlightment: our esteemed Mr Taxi Driver man. Yup, that's right.
Naturally, the whole auditorium erupted in laughter, and from then on, he was in shambles. Turned out later that this fella was actually interested to join PAP. hmmmm.....
But mockery aside, MM's response was certainly hard hitting. Yet, it was so basic and fundamental. And his challenge to you to do something about it. Well, how can you fight argue against a man who has done nothing but fight for this nation all his life? Leading by example is the most powerful way to lead just because of this factor: you are untouchable.
Still, what is the moral of this whole story? Well, for one, Singaporeans seem to be rather NATO (no action, talk only).
Of course, i am a fool to comment on all this as i am showing the NATO characteristic that i'm speaking out against. but i justify myself: I do not mean to say that action speaks louder than words and we should all form political parties. But rather, i just feel that whenever we decry any government decision, let it be an informed one and not just part of a chorus of noise.
MM Lee himself said that the government does not intend to be swayed by a minority group of people who make alot of noise.
When you come to think of it, you cannot deny that a government's role is to take into account the welfare of the general population and not submit to the noisy minority.
Contrasting this stand against the certain political systems in other countries where governments are not as strong-willed as ours, this argument would seem very much validated.
Back to the casino argument, i'm sure that the government has mapped out all the benefits and costs of having a casino, if not for considering the net benefits on our society, then perhaps to prepare their defence.
And their arguments are pretty sound; people are already doing it, it is already culture. the money is flowing about already, so why not capture it?
It absolutely cannot be denied that gambling is all part of asian tradition. Just think of Chinese New Year where gambling is part and parcel of the celebrations. It came as quite a shock to me that some of my friends who had otherwise been proclaiming such high moral standards throughout the year could just shrug off their fling during the festivities as just being "once a year what" or "it's tradition".
4-D, Toto, and soccer betting is rampant around us everywhere we turn. Indeed, there is much money floating about.
Basing on all this factors, i see no reason why a casino should not be built. Indeed, it sounds like a perfectly logical reason and could even cure some gamblers of their habit as the government would be able to regulate the industry from now on.(sounds like wishful thinking tho)
However, i still signed that petition. Why? Simple reason:
i believe that, by allowing the casino move to go through, the government is signalling the approval of gambling as an acceptable lifestyle habit. While gambling is marginally accepted as a neccessary evil now, allowing the casino would be a big step in the WRONG direction.
I agree especially with the notion that we should think of our future generations. While it can be argued that adults should be allowed the free will to do what they feel is right, we reflect the more important potential victims of this move: our children.
So, rather than being a noisy minority, let us be a responsible majority and make our claim loudly heard by our leaders.
Yup, that's my horribly long-winded answer. Never said i would entertain. =P

lost it....

2005-03-20T22:12:00.000+08:00

was supposed to send this blog out yday...but anyways...
yup...what is one thing that you can lose easily but never get it back again?
your temper.
yup, that's what i did...lost my temper at a project mate yday...it's been a real tough week rushing my projects, stress, lack of sleep, suppressed feelings of anxiety and frustration. All these would be my excuse for flaring up at my friend...
but in the end, when i really think abt it, there was only one reason why things ended the way they did:
Pastor Seah had said this before: Stress is when YOU are in control.
So, that basically sums up e scenario...i didn't lift everything into God's hands. However much i believed in my own stand and however strong my rationale and logic was in the argument, there was no reason for me to behave in such an ungodly manner.
Looking back, it wasn't much of an issue in the first place. The problem was that i didn't communicate the facts properly. Guess that i was just using the argument as an avenue to vent the frustrations i had accumulated with him over the past few days of rushing the project with him.
Today (sunday), i shared this with my bible study group and Uncle David Yeong even prayed for me...really feel so blessed and joyous that God has blessed me with a wonderful spiritual family in church and just wanna praise God for his forgiveness and grace~! Hallelujah~!
yeah...really love my bible study group...i gain so much from this lil' grp of mine..haha..virtually like cell grp...e main point that spoke to me today was this point that it is healthy for a Christian to be constantly in spiritual warfare. Cos if you are always experiencing peace of mind and spirit, then you are either,
defeated, or
a deserter.
Nono...i don't ever want to be either...i shall fight the good fight and depend on Him for strength~! NO MORE SELF-CENTREDNESS~!

Corpse Reporting... =(

2005-03-18T22:09:00.000+08:00

Corporate Reporting and Financial Analysis or corp reporting for short (hence corpse reporting gettit? oh nevermind.)
this dumb project has been sticking in my head for the past 2 weeks....it's supposed to be one of the toughest modules in SMU and, boy, they weren't kidding.
Have you ever turned past your favourite obituary section in the Straits Times and looked at all the financial mumbo jumbo? well, this is a LOT WORSE~! I actually got to slog through nearly 200 pages of nitty gritty accounting terms for just 1 company~! and my project involved 3 companies!
Goodness....anyways...can't really blame anyone except ourselves...my project group jus kept procastinating our way through...it's unbelieveable that we've only ever had 1 real project meeting~! and even then, it lasted barely 1-2hours...and it wasn't a meeting! we just gathered to do our individual parts~! Really can't believe that i could be involved in such a scenario in Year 3~! sheesh...guess i just don't learn...
Anyways, basically for the whole of this past week, i've slept, ate, drank, sh***ed nothing but that project. So, yeah, i'm not gonna touch it in a long while~!
SIGH...sch tmr again...have a make-up class (not cosmetics kind, the replacement kind), and another project meeting, and other project deadlines to meet. whoopee. virtually living a life of a rock star. yeah right.
Dunno why everytime i feel stressed, i wanna watch a movie~! and not just any old stupid movie (no jack neo movies for me please), must be a good movie! So what is a good movie to me? no.1 criteria is: it must be unique/special~ yup i lurve whimsical moveis, Romeo + Juliet, Love me if you dare, My Girl (a thai show), Moulin Rouge, Finding Neverland, and just uber-cool movies, Matrix 1, City of God. no.2 criteria is: it must have a good storyline: something that will enlighten you, e.g. 6th Sense, Matrix triology,etc. and no.3 criteria is it must be darn cute and farney~!, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Shrek 2.
Of course, just meeting either of the criteria wld be enough...sheesh..can't imagine a cutesy cartoonish Romeo dodging bullets while spouting philosophical stuff ya? hmmmm....
Ah well, anyone for a movie? and anyone knows of a decent movie nowadays in the 1st place?

Happy Birthday Junliang~!

2005-03-15T23:12:00.000+08:00

yeah man...happy 24th bday to ya...2nd cycle of the year of rooster for u man...sigh....TWENTY-FOUR years old...that's how old i am this year too. That's like MID-TWENTIES...sheesh..it's true what they say..once you hit 20, time just accelerates...guess it's because of the extra workload and responsibilities that keep you occupied and less conscious of the passing time.
Anyways, had dinner with JUNLIANG, CHAOQUN, BEN, JASON, WEIWEN, KATHERINE & SHIMIN. if you are wondering why the name are in caps, it's because i want to show that they are important enough to be in my blog..haha~
Was pretty nice being able to just relax with old friends (8 years of friendship~!) and take a break from all the work...hmm...most of them are going to graduate this year, the gals have already started working..think future gatherings are gonna be a bit weird. Them in their business wear, and jason and i in our berms and slippers still.. :P
Hey~! must remember to bug junliang to start a blog...he has the most interesting and action-packed stories...sure gonna beat talkingcock.com in terms of controversy man... :P
guess i have nothing interesting to write today...just recording down what i've done today...Zzzz stuff man...mabbe when i'm done with my work...then i can get some not so boring thots out :\

No soccer today...SIGH

2005-03-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

yup...went for sports fellowship today...NO SOCCER~! ARGH~! cos apparently the worship team (meaning most of the soccer gang) were practising till very late. ended up playing NETBALL...argh...never thot it'd come to this...sheesh...haha..but actually not too bad lah..quite fun playg with kids :P
went to the pasar malam next to Jurong MRT with my bro, kate and swi....usual stuff there...not much interesting..didn't get anything for myself. But those 3 sugar-holics with me ah~! Eating ice-cream AND candy floss at the same time..sheesh..YUCKS...so much sugar~! how can u guys stand it? Salt and oily stuff..hmmm...that's another thing..haha..u FREAKS~! haha
as usual, there's the chinese auction person telling their stories, showing their salesmanship, trying to sell stuff that ppl wld otherwise never buy~! i mean jade horses? mini-waterfalls? wooden sculptures? how much more tacky can u get?
anyways...it's gonna be a tough week ahead..gotta be on top of my game for the coming week. Really thank God for a good rest so far, but it's time to race! After i finish watching No Way Out now, that is..haha

VENGEANCE

2005-03-13T23:47:00.000+08:00

or rather...dealing with Vengeance.
the topic for the sermon today (as given by Pastor Graham, not me~!)
Passage for sermon:

You have heard that it was said,'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But i tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If somone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, but do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.' But i tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? DO not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore as your hevenly Father is perfect
-Matthew 5:38-48

I "Eye for Eye" v 38-42
The "eye for eye" subject is genuinely written in the scriptures. Does this mean that Jesus is blasphemising? To judge that, we should take a look at the verse in question:

"If men who are fighting hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely but there is not serious injury, the offender must be fined whatever the the woman's husband demands and the court allows. But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.
Exodus 21-22-23

Looking at this, we see a big discrepency from what we've assumed the "eye for eye" principle to mean~! In actual fact, the principle:
1) only applied under the special circumstances: "If men who are fighting hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely"
2) was supposed to limit the claims of the husband. e.g. if the baby loses one eye, he cannot demand that the man give both his eyes
3) perhaps most importantly, this verse was meant as a guideline for JUDGES, and not supposed to empower individuals to deal out their own brand of mercy.

Jesus was actually speaking against the Pharisees who had twisted the meaning of this verse to suit their own purposes and to mislead the people. Instead of reacting, Jesus says we should not retaliate or resist.

II Love your enemy v43-48
Just as God is good to all, we are to be good to ALL, not only our friends. Paul had mentioned:

So i say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature
Galatians 5:16

This is a mark of Son-ship. "Scratching backs" is "normal (v47), but to be perfect like God (v48) is divine. Still, it is not possible by our own strength to do this as we are, by nature, imperfect. In his letter to the Galatians, Paul had said:

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life i live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20

That's why we have to depend on Him for strength to do so.
Applications
- Be different because you, a child of God, are different
- Do not retaliate. Leave judgment and vengeance to God --> Romans 12:14-21
- Follows Jesus's example for righteous suffering - He could have summoned legions of angels to protect Him from the pharisees but He did not. He recognised God had a plan for him and Jesus obeyed totally. 1 Peter 2: 19-24

Boyz Rock~!

2005-03-12T16:24:00.000+08:00

wow...really gotta praise the Lord today~! Was feeling kinda stressed yday cos of my various projects....but after BB today...wow~~ felt so de-stressed....those Boys were just so darn farney lah..haha...their innocence and their mischievousness just perked me up and reminded me of the wonderful creations of God. Such optimism and joyfulness in those wonderful children. Yup. Just have to lift this up to Him before i begin my work again. yeah..i'm stuck in sch doing projects again...but at least i'm happy~! :D

Barang Barang~!

2005-03-11T21:54:00.000+08:00

wow...did a really cool interview with the managing director of Barang Barang, the furniture place at Great World City. The guy is insanely business-minded lah...Basically interviewed him cos he's an entrepreneur and i'm taking this entrepreneurship module. Gosh...really learnt alot from him regarding how to view and strategise for business. In fact, i think i acquire more knowledge in that 1-hour session than one whole term of e dumb entrepreneurship module.
Anyways, just to share, one of the things he mentioned that really struck me was how he said, "Sports is very important".
Of course, on top of the keeping the body fit and mind sharp aspect of sports, he talked about how sports can actually build character. Cos, in order to be the best, u gotta compete against the rest. Sports is probably the platform where u can actually compete respectfully and ethically. (ok, assuming no one takes drugs or bribes yah? No argument is totally sound~!) Yup, so in sports, most times, it is down to sheer hard work and passion that will see you better the other person.
Speaking of which, i managed to get a game of street footy near my house just now~! Really needed it man...felt the stress throughout the day today. Played with a bunch of malays..sheesh...they were brilliant...and only 15-18 years old. They were like doing some nike advert while playing..Yes, they were THAT good. Seems that they were from the ex-Jurong FC youth team. No wonder.
Which brings me to my point that sometimes effort just ain't enough. Think thierry henry..some ppl are just extra-blessed by God in their own way. Sometimes, you just gotta take a step back, admire their talent, and just take comfort that you've done your best and have no regrets.
SIGH. Tomorrow's gonna be a hectic day...BB in the morning followed by 1 whole day in school doing project. Actually looked forward to playing field soccer with the church team but seems like it's not on anymore...ah well...c'est la vie..

Presenting....

2005-03-10T21:39:00.000+08:00

finally done with one of my presentations today...one down, 3 more to go...yes, that's SMU for you..lots of presentation...but guess that's one of the main reasons why i chose to go to SMU in the first place. Knowing myself, being introverted, not eloquent, and not very skilfull social-wise, i guess i just had to place myself in a position where i will be forced to change. haha..come to think of it...that's e reason for many of the decisions i make nowadays...kinda like fighting a social war within myself...hiaks~
anyways...tmr is gonna be another project day..gotta do down and interview this managing director guy of Barang Barang..the furniture place...just can't seem to find any information or background about him. Die...hate to be unprepared..have to depend on my project mate. She's cool. haha
Feelin' kinda down from an incident yday. Seems that the replacement teacher-in-charge for the BB in Princess Elizabeth Pri is quite off. I just requested that he release consent forms for the Boys to come to church next sunday for their donation drive as well as permission for BBPC's Puppet Ministry to set up a show for the Boys in the pri sch. And his reply? "the students will not be able to go for both." no explanation, nothing. sheesh. Obviously i pressed him for at least some reason why so that i can state my case, and his answer was just "This is the school's decision." Informed the Head of Department for CCA (his son is in BB in the sch) and he was quite puzzled about it. ah well...shall lift it to the hands of God. I'm sure He has plans for the Boys. =)
Stress stress stress. Wanted to go for a run today...but by e time i came back, it was so late...oh well..better find some other way of relaxing..like blogging..haha...
I know what i wanna do after all my projects are over man...gonna go East Coast Park...went there 2 years ago when i was damn stressed..wow...really worked wonders man...wanna go there and cycle to the jetty and stare out at the sea and enjoy the wonderful sun and the breeze and soak in the sounds of the waves crashing against the jetty. ahh....BLISS
back to reality now. Important projects due the next few weeks. Test to be completed by tmr. BB parade on saturday. Please continue to pray for me~! :D

They just keep comin'

2005-03-09T21:24:00.001+08:00

sigh....the time of the term again...projects keep swarming in...comin to sch in the morn, leaving sch when the moon is bright and shining...9.30pm and still working on my project here...sheesh...that's SMU life for ya...oh well...guess i can't complain too much...been procastinating as usual, getting distracted by stupid stuff too...it's really a vicious cycle, thus proving the saying true: "those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it".
Human nature sucks man. BIG TIME. Leave a person alone and without accountability for a while and chances are, he/she wld end up forsaking his/her responsibilities. Like wat my pastor says, (yeah i like to quote, so? sue me. :D) " People don't do what is expected, but what is inspected"
Ok, so i'm probably just generalising...or mabbe it's just me...ah well..time to get movin' anyhows...looks like this weekend is burnt for me....again.
Anyways, i think i'm really a person who doesn't feel stress. I don't mean i'm NOT stressed. I am, just that i won't know it. THAT is bad. Its small wonder why people often would just come up to me and say, " hey, you're very stressed ah" Apparently, i have this "stressed face" that they see. I absolutely don't notice it man. Thank God for friends. hehe...
I don't know about you, but when i'm stressed i tend to do even more stupid stuff than usual. Also lose control without realising it. Last night, i was in school till 10.30pm rushing a project too. Throughout the night, i was just sniping and being just mean to this guy friend of mine. Mind you, he really seems to be asking for it. Really got me quite fed up and i just did whatever came naturally to me. Teased him alot and felt it was fun..at least for me.
Well, i guess that, between guys, this kinda small jibing shouldn't be too much of a problem but then i just felt something wasn't very nice about it. After a long while ( i am slow), i finally figured that i wasn't behaving as a christian should. I was just being mean because it felt good. But that's totally not what Jesus said;

Matthew 12:34-35, "...for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him."

So much for following your heart and stuff eh? As the times grow tougher, i got to depend more on him...shall not repeat my many mistakes in depending on my own strength. Pray for me please!

p.s. shall not continue on the superhero thingy...cos abit too pretentious and quite frankly, not very interesting anymore :\

I wanna be a Professor~!

2005-03-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

ahh....the start of a new week...and what better way to start it then to have a 3-hr lesson that starts at 8.45am where i get to see one of the wonders of my SMU education - the impromptu lesson stand-up comic otherwise known as my professor.
First thing he did when he came to class was to tell us he has postponed the test because, according to him, he has 3 sessions of the same class so he hasn't figured how to grade all of us equally. Thus, we shall all seat for the same paper on thursday at 7PM-9PM. yippee~! i jus love to stay back in sch to make up for the laziness of the professor who is paid by my parent's money~! =D
Aiyah....actually it doesn't really bug me that much...jus wanna let off some steam..haha...this is a category 2) blog~! (refer to a prev entry)
Anyways...lately i've been reading alot of comic books, courtesy of the well-stocked teens section in Jurong library. (yah yah..wat m i doing there right? wat-EVER~! haha..how juvenile)
My current fave comic is JLA (Justice League of America) which is basically a grp of superhumans (i.e. The Flash, Green Lantern (my fave~! :) ), Superman, Batman,Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter, Plastic Man). In short, it is a ridiculously stupid comic but it just looks so cool. But anyways...after gg thru so many of these comic books, really makes me wonder: wat if there WERE such super-powered beings flying ard, laying the law down?
I'm sure at some point of time in life, we'd be lookg at natural disasters or other tragedies and wished that there was a superman to have saved those poor souls or something. But does society really need them? do we really nd self-proclaimed gods who can be likened to nuclear missiles except that they are fallible to human emotions. Wld the world be a safer place with them ard? haha...guess my ans to that has to be continued...gotta work now... :P

Rain rain rain

2005-03-06T20:28:00.000+08:00

yup...it's been a really rainy day...but still managed to get in a game of footy with my n'hood frenz...haha...which also means soccer at breakneck speed..or in my case break-knee speed...sheesh...i gotta find frenz who r willing to play less competitively man.. :/
Well, it's a SUNDAY~! Was assigned to lead worship for e sunday school kids...gosh...didn't expect so many of them...and since they were all so tiny, abt 50-60 of them squeezed into the little old YF room~! more cuteness per square-inch in the whole of the church at least~! haha...yeah..they were adorable...but leading singspiration ain't my cup of tea so just went thru e phases and sang e typical songs..ah well...
okie..as usual..back to mugging..have test tmr~! *ouch* my knee hurts... :(

Happy Birthday Jon~!

2005-03-05T22:13:00.000+08:00

yupz...today is the 21st bday of Mr Jonathan Fung...went to his place for e bday party...haha...it's been so long since i've actually bothered to go to a bday party so jon...if u r reading this...i give u alot of face ok? sigh....practically slogged on my projects from the moment i woke up until i went for e party...forsee that i'll be spending e whole of tmr doing e same thing...no soccer and sports fellowship for e 2nd consecutive week i guess :( okie..no extra thots today cos it's all filled with Jetblue, Delta, American and Southwest ( my project stuff lah )... back to work~!

ARRGGGHHH~!! I DON'T WANNA LIVE ANYMORE~!!

2005-03-04T22:06:00.000+08:00

hmm...expecting me to pour out my soul about something that happened today? well..sorry but i was just tryg to be attn seeking with that title...which brings me to some thots i have abt blogging... seems to me that when ppl blog, they tend to release all their inhibitions. The result is that you see either 1) super mournful, woe is me kinda stuff 2) people bitching abt each and every single thing that happened to them 3) super pretentious ppl who seem to be blogging with an open dictionary or thesaurus and come up with the cheem cheem stuff.
I guess i've been pretty apprehensive abt starting a blog cos i'm really afraid of falling under category 3). Why is that? Cos 1 of my greatest fears is to become like a Pharisee...i.e. hypocritical ppl who like to show off. *yucks*
So then, m i being hypocritical by starting a blog? haha..dun really noe at this point. Right now, wat i really wanna do is just capture my thots so jus in case i die a sudden violent death, at least there'll be some material to do some research for my obituary..hahaha...so morbid eh :P

ok...enough of my thots...abt my happenins' today...well..another day in sch...projects projects projects...sigh...really gotta push myself to finish all of them~! altho i must say i still got alot of time since i dun have any more quizzes..but still..it's a team effort so gotta rush for it. On another note, "A" level results were released today~! haha...seems kinda weird but Jiet got e same results as me and swi.. CCB (not a vulgarity, that's the 3 letter grades we got, haha) Feeling v happy my lil' sis cos i know she's been thru so much...even broke down i heard (poor gal :( ) still...she's been strong and put everything into His loving hands...PTL for His grace~! haha...oh well...after 2 restless nights in that lousy hotel room, i better have an early night~ *poof*

what bright red lights~!

2005-03-03T17:48:00.000+08:00

Dear blog, i have to confess something. Last night, i spent the night at Hotel 81 Gold in Geylang, right smack in the middle of the "hot spot" of the red light district. I couldn't help it. It was beyond my control. As much as i regretted my decision that led me to those circumstances, i had to do it. haha....okok...b4 ur thots run wild, i've got to clarify. Yes, i did spend the night in the hotel. BUT it was just to fulfill a promise to a friend that i would help them with their project. What sort of project? once again, keep ur thots clean~! well, i'm supposed to stay over at the hotel and complete a comprehensive survey on the service level and the comfort level of the hotel.
As exotic as a stay in a hotel in that location may seem, it was a quiet, uneventful night. (i.e. i didn't hear any sex noises from other rooms~!) Still, i gotta say that it was quite scary to walk down that area late at night. I guess it was just the unfamiliarity and the perceptions of the place that really freaked me out. It was all so real...u cld just see guys negotiating, scouting and all. Quite interesting but yet rather saddening too when u think abt it. Cos these are probably the kinda ppl the our Lord Jesus came down and mingled upon and saved. I just cldn't help but wonder: how many of these souls will have even a chance.
I mean, one of the main arguments that non-christians put across is: If God loves ALL of us, then how come SO MANY people do not get a chance to be saved? Honestly speaking, i do not really have a concrete answer against that. I mean, i can say that God is almighty and His ways are mysterious and incomprehensible to our human mind and who are we to question what He does. Although this answer is probably logically true, it somehow leaves one unsatisfied. hmmm....shall ponder over this...right now, it's time to start on myu project~!

Genesis...

2005-03-03T13:27:00.000+08:00

Finally~! A blog of my own....don't really know why i just had the urge to start a blog...need for attention perhaps? hmmm...anyways...for all intents, hope to understand my own thoughts through this blog....hopefully someday i'll be able to look back at e thoughts i'm having now and have a gd laugh at what an idiot i was...at least it shows i would have learnt something in between then..hope ya all can give comments (haha..reminds me of the singapore idol "careless whisper" guy) so that i can speed that process up ya?....haha...cheers~!